“In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero … She was Xena; a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle.”
The moment those words were uttered each week, I was hooked. My Wednesday nights were mapped out for six years. 9 p.m. was Xena-time, and my friends and family knew better than to disturb me.
Nearly eight years after the show has ended, I still find myself thinking about the warrior princess and the impact she had on not only me, but the future of female heroes. Xena paved the way for shows like Alias, Dark Angel and even the vampire slayer herself, Buffy. The show’s debut came at such a poignant time, when television was overwhelmed with a surplus of testosterone-driven, manly men (no offence to our ‘Man’ual Transmission columnist, Nick Jones).
Needless to say, when Drive-In Classics announced it would be re-airing Xena from the beginning (weekdays, 8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT), I was over the moon. It’s about time this cult favourite got some more time in the spotlight. I was 11 when the leather-clad, butt-kicking warrior flipped her way onto television and now at 23, I can’t help but be reminded of the …
Ten things I Learned from Xena
(In no particular order)
1. Xena has many skills. It’s absolutely true. Whether it’s saving people or killing them, Xena managed to surprise us each week with something new. From fighting with fish to using her chakram (a.k.a. the circular metal Frisbee of death) to plough down an army of soldiers, the warrior princess also lent her hand in saving the wounded and rekindling lives, relationships and families.
2. Disguise is a warrior princess’ best friend. Let’s face it – if you saw Xena running toward you alalalalala-ing, you’d be shaking in your boots. What better way to get close to your enemies than by disguising yourself as a belly-dancing gypsy or even a real-estate investor with a New York accent? Xena’s done them all and then some. As if that weren’t enough, maybe using one of her three identical twins would help throw more mystery into the equation.
That’s right – a warrior, a priestess and a tramp. Unrelated by blood, they were just uncannily similar in appearance. In times of crisis, Xena was always able to pull the raw, sexually aggressive card to get anything from men.
3. The chakram is a wondrous, multi-talented weapon. It’s razor-sharp and a convenient gadget to bring with you in the bush for buzzing whole trees in half and scaling fish for a meal. The glimmer and sheen it lets off is also ideal for a Christmas tree topper, as seen in the holiday-themed episode.
4. The rules of gravity are bent – a lot. Ladders? Stairs? Do those even exist in the Xena-verse? Of course not. Flipping, leaping and literally flying through thin air are the ways of the warrior. Xena spent more time airborne than a bird, leaving grounded enemies with their jaws on the floor, scratching their heads in an attempt to understand how gravity didn’t apply to our heroine. Eat your heart out, Superman.
5. The pinch will weaken even the toughest and tight-lipped barbarians. If one finger even got close to an enemy’s neck, he was toast. “I’ve just cut off the flow of blood to your brain – you’ll be dead in 30 seconds, unless you start talking.” When that warning was given, you knew Xena meant business. While some tried to resist, others would cave and spill the beans on coveted information within seconds. In the end it always worked, and to this day remained one of Xena’s deadliest and most effective techniques.
6. Never trust the gods/higher powers. The almighty Greek gods were always plotting ways to destroy Xena. Whether it was Ares’ constant back-stabbing, Athena’s plan to annihilate the warrior princess, or Aphrodite’s childish mayhem, the gods always seemed to cause unnecessary stress in Xena’s complicated life.
7. Being evil never pays off. In the end, you’ll either be converted or wind up dead. Xena is a prime example. Her turbulent, evil past was the reason she decided to turn her life around and fight for good. Along the way she met countless evil warlords bent on domination and oppression, and at the end of each story, they would either reform or end up as another kill-notch on Xena’s belt. And yes, I’m talking to you, Callisto.
8. Don’t even bother trying to kill Xena. The warrior princess will fight her way through hell (literally), return from the dead and change the course of the world to fight opposition. Essentially, she just can’t and won’t die – at least not until the series finale.
9. Sidekicks, though sometimes seemingly annoying and a royal pain in the butt, are a necessary part of a hero’s life. Oh Gabrielle, Xena fans had a love-hate relationship with you. Xena credited her as being the most good and innocent thing her life. She’s what kept her dark side at bay and helped the goodness shine through.
That statement had a certain amount of truth to it – that was, until Season 3, when Gab’s childlike innocence was forever lost. Responsible for the death of Xena’s child, betraying her best friend and being more stubborn as time progressed, the fiery redhead certainly proved to be both a vice and virtue. In the end, though, Xena would be nothing without good old Gabby. They were complete opposites, yet compatible enough to forge a friendship that endured everything thrown their way.
10. Xena invented everything; it’s just a fact. I could explain each of the things Xena invented and had a hand in creating, but I’ll let the following examples speak for themselves. Xena:
- named the big dipper
- single-handedly created Stonehenge
- organized the assassination of Caesar
- invented kite flying and the generation of electricity
- removed the sword in the stone
- created bungee jumping and CPR
- tricked Lucifer into reigning over hell for eternity
- provided Joseph and a very pregnant Mary with the mule that carried them to a nearby inn
There you have it, my friends. Frankly, I’m glad to have grown up with Xena. While it may have just looked like another mindless, cheesy action show, the series offered much more. It has made such an impact on countless fans worldwide, that to this day the entire cast of the show still attends the yearly Xena conventions. Clearly, I’m not the only one who learned a thing of two from this classic cult favourite.
Fitting with this column, I’d like to end with a recent celebrity meet-and-greet I experienced at the Toronto Fan Expo 2008 – a massive convention for sci-fi, anime, fantasy, horror and videogame mediums. One of this year’s celebrity guests included none other than Gabrielle herself, actress Renée O’Connor. I was lucky enough to chat with her and discuss her experience on the show. I tried to resist, but the 11-year-old in me resurfaced and asked about the long-speculated Xena movie. Unfortunately, she had not heard any news of it, but that won’t stop this Xenite from hoping. For those interested, I’ve included the photo that I took with her:
Battle on, Xena.
Were you ever a Xena fan? Did you learn any life lessons or recall any fond memories from the show? Let me know at sarcher@tvguide.ca
Be sure to check out this week’s geeky goods.
Flash Gordon (Sat., Sept. 20, 7 p.m. ET, Space)
Remember that old comic strip back in the day? Following suit with many other shows, it’s been given a facelift for present day. Follow Flash around on his intergalactic adventures (filmed in Canada!) in this cheesy comic ride.
Smallville (Sat., Sept. 20, 8 p.m. ET, Space)
Clark and friends return for their eighth season tonight, picking up where they left off with the Justice League searching for Clark in the Arctic, and Chloe being imprisoned by a group who learned of her powers.
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Shaun’s loved superheroes since he could tie a towel around his neck and pretend to be one. Unfortunately for his friends and family, his geeky-ness only grew, amassing everything from sci-fi, horror and fantasy to videogames, cult shows and movies. When he isn’t citing Lord of the Rings quotes or perfecting Xena’s war cry, Shaun can usually be found adding to his figurine and replica prop collection or just relaxing with some good television.
Always willing to spread the nerdy love, his column, The Outskirts channels everyone’s inner geek and celebrates it, helping prove it’s actually super-cool to be a fan-boy, or a fan-girl. |
