There is no Valentine’s Day in Chatswin this year, at least not on Suburgatory. In a move I found very surprising, Suburgatory skipped the obligatory teens in love on Valentine’s episode and went straight to the taboo subject (teen sex) on Wednesday night’s episode, “Sex and the Suburbs."
Now it may seem strange that in 2012 teenage sex on television is still handled with kid gloves. But, with advocacy groups such as the Parent’s Television Council ready to turn their disapproval guns on stun and engage the media whenever teenage sex is portrayed on primetime, it can be a touchy subject. Excuse the pun.
It was an overreaction on the part of George (he found condoms in Tessa’s room) that led to the relocation to the suburbs in the first place. Rather than have a frank discussion about sex, George chose to avoid the problem and run away to Chatswin. Except now Tessa has and actual boyfriend, Scott Strauss, and a box of even bigger condoms in her room.
To the writer’s benefit, the futility of George’s decision to shield his daughter from growing up by moving was dealt with head on. When sharing his discovery with Noah and Dallas, he mused, “I can’t keep relocating her every time I find condoms, can I?” Noah and Dallas were on to George’s histrionics when it comes to his daughter and encouraged him to face reality and have the sex talk with his daughter. Not the birds and the bees sex talk, either. The different types of sex talk. Dalia got horny early, so Dallas had experience in this area.
Instead, George chose to find something that Tessa would be more interested in than Scott Strauss. Now I like a good game of Hungry, Hungry Hippos as much as the next person, but it just cannot compare to frozen yogurt with a cute boy (Operation is another story). George used the game night to mine Lisa and Malik for information about Tessa’s love life and get an idea of when kids their age start having sex. This scene was one of the funniest of the episode, especially when George asked them “What about intercourse?” and an uncomfortable Malik responded with “Should I call my Mom to come get me?”
There were also hints dropped towards a relationship between Lisa and Malik when they revealed their optimum age to lose their virginity from the Virginitycalculator.com. I really want to know the relationship of hair length to the age you should lose your virginity.
It’s interesting that for a man with such a modern relationship with his daughter, George has a very old fashioned attitude towards sex. When he finally confronted Tessa about the Magnum XXL elephant in the room, he didn't believe that they weren't hers and went off on a spiel about responsibility and meaning in sex, ideas that he promptly abandoned when he had casual, meaningless (to him at least) sex with Jocelyn the country club waitress. Arden Myrin always does a fine job, but in this episode she really nailed the crazy with her board game sex talk (“I’m gonna slide down your chute and go up your ladder”).
Tessa actually played the mature role in this episode. She recognized that she has little interest in Scott beyond rubbing their relationship in Dalia’s face. She broke up with Scott rather than making their relationship physical. Tessa also had a heart-to-heart with George where she called him out on his hypocrisy on the subject of sex. The "Do as I say, not as I do" argument can only hold water for so long when you have a daughter as smart as Tessa.
If there is one thing that advocacy groups should not be able find fault with, it’s the portrayal of Tessa as a strong, thoughtful, independent-minded teenage girl, which is a rarity in television today. Did Suburgatory wimp out by having Tessa decide not to enter the love tent with Scott? I don’t think so, especially when taking into consideration all that we know about Tessa’s character. When shows portray teenagers as immediately remorseful or negatively affected after having sex, it comes across as pandering to advocacy groups.
In other romantic endeavors, Dallas decided to file for divorce from her philandering husband. She found a pair of M/L panties in his pocket and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. This frees up Dallas to explore a relationship with George. It was obvious that George would not make a move on a married woman, even one that he knew was in a loveless marriage.
I was almost fooled into thinking that Dalia was sad when she looked so vulnerable asking if her parents were getting divorced. But was just hiding her elation at the prospect of getting two birthdays, two Christmases, and two bedrooms.
More from the ‘burbs
• Some of the types of sex that Noah and Dallas described: bi-curious, by the ocean, date sex, hate sex, pity sex, party sex, pity party sex, the reverse Andre the Giant.
• “Kiss me Scott, kiss me like I’m Africa!” – Tessa encouraging a PDA in front of Dalia
• Dalia doesn’t say, “Get a room!" She says, “Buy a hotel!"
• Lisa Shay waxing poetic about a romantic date involving a “soft Wisconsin cheese” and “discussing Dancing with the Stars” made me love her character even more.
• “I know this seems weird, and there’s a goat involved which you’re probably not used to.” – Scott, on his love tent and courting gift to George.
• Loved Dallas’ dancing-with-her-shoes-on-in-the-house routine.
What did you think of the Non-Valentine’s episode? Sound off below
Suburgatory airs Wednesdays at 8:30 p.m. on Citytv and ABC.
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