Why have I become so disillusioned with the National Hockey League?
I can’t believe I’m saying this. I mean, I’ve been riveted by Hockey Night in Canada ever since I was old enough to stick-handle. But I just can’t get into hockey this season. Our national pastime, at least the professional version of it, leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I came to this realization when I was watching, of all things, figure skating. OK, it wasn’t real figure skating — just pretend. You know, that little exhibition at Maple Leaf Gardens with ex-hockey players and former Olympians called Battle of the Blades. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?
Anyway, as the show opens, a graphic appears with a disclaimer reading, “This program is not endorsed by or affiliated with the National Hockey League.”
|
No kidding. Battle of the Blades is a hit. The participants are colourful, captivating and committed. The competition is uniquely Canadian with no backstage bickering or self-righteous judges spoiling the fun. The show averages 1.5 million viewers per week and is attracting interest from the U.S. and abroad. It’s fantastic television. So you can see why the NHL wants nothing to do with this program.
Battle of the Blades? No, that moniker doesn’t fit hockey’s major league. Headshot Night in Phoenix, on the other hand, suits the NHL perfectly. |
 |
There is so much negativity surrounding hockey right now that it really puts me off watching. Every time I switch on SportsCentre, something else has gone awry. The NHLPA leadership saga, for instance, has been particularly annoying to sit through. I’d like to point out to our nation’s esteemed hockey analysts that no fan gives two sticks about problems with the player’s union. So pipe down already!
Then there’s the constant Phoenix/Hamilton Coyotes drone that’s driving fans, especially those in the Golden Horseshoe region, giddy over a potential new team in the area. Of course, the NHL refuses to even acknowledge the idea that more teams in Canada might be a good thing for hockey. Instead, they steadfastly defend markets like Tampa Bay, Nashville and Glendale, Ariz., as hockey hotbeds. Yeah, right.
More recently, headlines have focused on the league’s growing epidemic of violent hits and head injuries. This has created an open forum for analysts to make complete fools of themselves.
 |
Take, for example, the scholarly Mike Milbury. In a recent discussion on CBC’s “Satellite Hotstove” segment, panellist Pierre LeBrun appeared wearing a silly-looking padded helmet— a prototype designed to make fighting safer (an idiotic concept in its own right). Milbury rightly scoffed at the design. But when it was brought up that the prototype was a response to the death of amateur hockey player Don Sanderson, who died after a fight last year, Milbury replied with, “People die every day. If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t play the game.”
I had to lock myself in a dark room for a few days to let my mind recover from the stupidity of that comment. |
|
Only a few days later, the racket exiting my TV was from ever-opinionated Leafs GM Brian Burke. He was so excited by the prospect of a new helmet designed by Mark Messier that he proclaimed, “I want to get these on the Marlies immediately.” I wonder how the Marlies felt when they found out that they were the crash test dummies of the hockey world?
Yeah, sure, throw ‘em on the Marlies. If no one gets concussed after a month we’ll let the real players try them on. |
 |
If the side stories aren’t bad enough, the on-ice product is. I thought the enforcement of clutching and grabbing was supposed to open the game up and let the small, speedy guys show their skills. So why is modern-day NHL hockey a complete bore?
Don’t agree? Just wait until the Olympic tournament rolls around. Then you’ll remember what hockey looks like when it’s worth watching. No wonder the NHL is so opposed to participating in the 2014 Olympics. There’s little doubt that the spirit and pace of the Olympic hockey we’ll see in Vancouver will expose just how impassive and congested the NHL game has become.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ll take a pass on the NHL this season. I’ll just have to make due with figure skating — maybe even the real stuff. It’s going to be a long winter.
Thoughts? brichardson@tvguide.ca
[Ed. Note: Please note effective Nov. 25, new Behind the Couch columns will be posted on Wednesdays.]
Follow TV Guide Canada on Facebook