The Suds Report - Nov20/09

SUDSIEST QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“The whole Jeffrey thing was a debacle. [Jeffrey’s fate] was never addressed. [Jeffrey’s absence] was a problem for me.”
—Emmy winner Kim Zimmer to Lynn Leahey in Soap Opera Digest in a new enlightening interview titled, “Stage Left”
Translation: A hack could have written GL’s finale better. Oh, wait — a group of them did.

“If somebody stole my dog, I’d want to break their neck. If they stole my child, I don’t know what I’d do.”
—DAYS’s James Scott in the pages of Soap Opera Weekly
Translation: Luckily, Ari Zucker is hot.

“I’m reading a book called The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles.”
—GH’s Nathan Parsons announcing he has his own book club in Soap Opera Weekly
Translation: Tony Geary reads it to me at bedtime.

“The respondent [husband] was not allowing the petitioner [wife] to see programs on TV as per her choice.”
—From The Daily News and Analysis newspaper which reported that a couple from Pine, southeast Mumbai, divorced because the husband refused to allow his wife to watch her sudsy drama
Translation: At least she wasn’t watching crap-tastic American soaps, dude!

All My Children, ABC/A — Hallelujah! Chuck Pratt Jr. fired!
• This just in — Soapoperadigest.com is reporting that Chuck Pratt Jr. has been fired from AMC. More on Monday!

• Writers, do not try this at home: In story 411, Amanda confesses to Jake that she slept with David. Also, Liza loses her baby and it is revealed that Trevor is Jake’s son.

• New beginnings? Looks like AMC’s 40th anniversary week will revolve around Kelly Ripa’s Hayley Santos and her talk show returning to Pine Valley and not Dr. Joe Martin’s retirement, as Suds reported. Lee Meriwether has already taped the scenes in which Joe and Ruth retire to Florida, claims Digest. Knowing Chuck Pratt’s last-minute writing style, this could all change.

• According to Soap Opera Digest, funnyman Walt Willey will be back sometime in December and will also appear during the anniversary shows before he leaves the canvas entirely.

As The World Turns, Global/CBS — A New Moon for Oakdale?
• As Suds reported exclusively a few weeks back, Emmy-nominated actress Meredith Hagner is indeed leaving World Turns (smart girl!).  However, according to a couple of sources, David Kreizman has changed his mind and won’t be killing off Liberty. Instead, the role will be recast. Apparently, a casting breakdown for a 16-18 young female with a “hard edge” has already been released. Smart move, David.

• Nuke fans, rejoice: Word from the Brooklyn set is that Noah’s blindness is only temporary.
 
• Is Marnie Schulenburg out? Sources close to the actress relay that Marnie is seriously considering leaving when her contract expires in February. So perhaps instead of killing Liberty the show may off Alison instead. I pray this is true so I don’t have to keep looking up how to spell the name of one of Oakdale’s worst recasts ever!

• Holy Kreiz! Take this gossip with a grain of salt, World Turns fans. The growing buzz is that the venerable CBS sudser will be renewed for one more year! No joke. When Suds Report contacted our CBS sources for confirmation, several insiders claimed it’s pretty much a done deal but nothing will be announced until after November Sweeps. “We can’t cancel World Turns so soon after Guiding Light,” explains one network mole. “I don’t watch the show but everyone here says World Turns has gotten its act together creatively so the thinking is to give it another year.” Ya think?

• Austin Peck isn’t the only actor who needs a dictionary. Michael Park is clearly smoking some awesome crack by claiming to Michael Fairman that Austin Peck wasn’t fired. Read between the lines here: “Look, he did not get fired,” states Park. “We needed to facilitate Brad going away to facilitate story and unfortunately he was collateral damage. What a firestorm it started because the fans got very upset. But the story that happened because of that was so gorgeous that that death was so wonderful, and so many people benefited from it. Most of all, I believe the fans did. And it’s not over yet, because the Christmas Eve show will knock your socks off! The Christmas Eve show is one of our most beautiful shows of the year, I think.” What would have been even more wonderful is if that misogynistic pig, Jack, was killed. Can we facilitate that, Michael, since you sound like you are writing and producing the show?

As for rumours of World Turns’s cancellation, Park says, “To comment on it makes it real. I lost a couple nights sleep there and I am not going to lie to you. What is happening with ABC switching AMC to Los Angeles, and budgets are being cut across the board and every show is feeling what Guiding Light was feeling, and what As the World Turns and One Life to Live [sic] is feeling now. I have kids I have to feed, but I know I will be working, God willing.” Time will tell, Michael.

• In story 411, Molly and Holden are headed for romance! Can’t wait. Eleven years ago, I felt the show dropped the ball with this potential breakout coupling. Jon Hensley and Lesli Kay are two of the most talented actors we have working in this business and I can’t wait to see them reunited on screen. Confession time:  I’m sort of praying Kay stays on World Turns. You?

The Bold and the Beautiful, CBS/CTV — Where in the world is Dick Forrester? • Where in the world is Rick Forrester? Soaps In Depth asks Kyle Lowder why the actor has been back-burnered for months. Good question. Lowder responds to the magazine by saying, “It’s been a blessing to be available for her at a time when [my pregnant wife, Arianne Zucker] most needs me.” He offers this solution to his professional woes: “It would be great to possibly have a story arc with a new character on the show. I’m excited to see what happens.” Lowder goes on to state that he trusts B&B chief, Brad Bell. “The writers and producer haven’t steered the show wrong,” the former DAYS star says. “They know what they’re doing, so you trust in what they want to do and how they want to do it.” When Suds Report dug to find out why Bell has basically shunned Lowder’s Rick from the canvas (heck, Winsor Harmon and I have more airtime), a source explains, “Kyle went so over-the-top with his performance earlier this year, which was lampooned on The Soup, that Brad has no idea what to do with the character. Rick has been ruined. You won’t be seeing Rick for another few months.” Enter Jacob Young? During a recent podcast, daytimeconfidential.com brilliantly suggested that B&B re-hire the Emmy winner. Earlier this year, Young, the best Rick Forrester thus far, informed a stunned Suds Report during his contract negotiations that he’d kill to be back on B&B and “made a huge mistake by quitting. I miss working with Brad.”

• Sarah Brown tweeted the other day, “BettyWhite dumping prescription pills into the sea @ Paradise Cove on B&B. She would never do that, she LOVES critters, she's awesome:).” That’s a brilliant way to respect a TV legend, Brad. Not.

• Are recent reports that Lesli Kay has been taken off contract true? Yes, they are, confirms show insiders. But don’t worry, it’s just a financial issue because Kay’s toiling in Oakdale currently. CBS isn’t going to pay one actress two salaries, sillies!

Days of our Lives, NBC/Global — Salem thinks it can dance!
• Amy Winehouse has kicked out Bryan Dattilo from rehab! And he said, “Yes, yes, yes!” Expect Lucas back in Salem on Dec. 3.  Welcome back!

During a recent BuzzWorthy Radio interview, Dattilo said, “[DAYS] just decided to give my character a little break. They just called me and said, ‘We’re going to give you a couple months off, and you won’t be working that much. We’re gonna put you in rehab, and when you come out, we got this really great storyline for you.’”

• Despite their nauseating public declarations of love (seriously, don’t jinx it, kids), daytime’s real-life “super-couple,” Molly Burnett and Casey Deidrick, produced this entertaining dance spoof, so all is forgiven. The majority of the DAYS cast participated — and it’s worth a view and a chuckle. My fave? Crystal Chappell thinks she can dance! Too bad Gary Tomlin didn’t partake in the behind-the-scenes antics. This video proves that DAYS is probably the happiest daytime set these days! And it’s infectious! Good work, my little rose petals!

• Once again, one of my fearless predictions have come true! In story 411, Carly moves in with Maggie and announces she’s in town to find her daughter! Suds is hearing it’s Melanie, but I’d be happier if it was Mia (I had predicted Chloe). Can you imagine hair model Molly Burnett acting opposite one of the most talented women on the planet, La Chappell? Taylor Spreitler is a much more talented — and younger — actress to adorn the Manning/Alamain tiara. Also, when Carly finds out what Nicole did to her granddaughter — well, all hell will break loose and I’ll be sitting near my TV with a huge bowl of popcorn. But let’s not forget Melanie did hail form Paris, where Carly resided for a while.

General Hospital, CTV/A — Great Scott!
• That handsome bastard, Scott Reeves, has his first GH airdate — Dec. 9.  Everyone’s making a huge fuss over James Franco but I’m more eager to see Reeves back on soaps. Expect Reeves to be involved in the lame-ass triangle involving Liz/Lucky/Dikolas.

• DoubleX.com’s astute writer, Willa Paskin, wrote an on-point, scathing soap opera and GH analysis that every fan should read. It’s nice to see the mainstream online media actually research what they are writing about. Below is an excerpt of the state of Port Chuck using James Franco’s soap slum as a lead.

“But the real reason GH gets away with all of this has to do with the strange morality of daytime TV. Like the daytime talk shows where audience members chide swingers for forsaking the nuclear family, soaps have a reputation for being conservative because the characters aren’t afraid to talk about “values.” Everyone always wants to stay together for the kids, men always want to do “the right thing,” motherhood is the most fulfilling thing a woman can do, every chick on the show has been imagining her wedding since she was a little girl and longs to be “taken care of,” and when things go pear-shaped, characters deliver soliloquies to God. Apparently, after almost 50 years of talking this talk, soaps can walk over and kill almost anyone, execution-style.

Soaps don’t live up to conservative or liberal values, just the devil’s. Any given character is pretty much guaranteed to be an adulterer, to have lied to the people that he or she loves most about something very important, to have been married and divorced multiple times. It would not be a surprise if he or she had killed someone, though likely in self-defence or a fit of crazy. Murder, blackmail, and rape are common. Luke raped Laura long before the two of them became the ultimate super-couple. An acquaintance of mine who was briefly hired to pen scripts on a soap was given a dense document explaining the various convoluted connections among characters. Children were denoted with an M, A, or R to indicate if they were a product of marriage, affair, or rape.

Given the soaps’ obvious weaknesses — mediocre production values, flat acting, and absurd, drawn-out storylines — it requires a huge suspension of disbelief to enjoy them at all, far more than is required to watch even the most middling prime-time show. If you’re willing to buy it when a character you mourned comes back from the dead, or to stick it out when wannabe lovers exchange tortured glances for the 34th week in a row, or give it a chance when the actor playing a part changes from one day to the next, who can quibble about a hit man with a heart of gold?”

• “Mad World” is the song underscoring the CO77X storyline. None other than passive-aggressive gay, Adam Lambert, sings the musical offering. How much did ABC shell out to pay for those rights?

• GH surprised fans by airing the highly anticipated James Franco entry into soap opera society a day early! Smart move. Had GH just aired the face of Gucci on today’s tag, it may have bored all the new viewers tuning in for an entire hour just to see the Golden Globe Award winner. I’m dying to see next week’s ratings to see if this “acting experiment” works in GH’s favour. I think it will. In story 411, Franco Branco has sex with a Port Chuck heroine, according to a Soap Opera Digest cover story. The candidates? Carly, Sam and Maxie. [Ed. Note: If you’ve seen any of the previews, it’s pretty obvious. And bad news for a particular super-couple.] As an aside, how weird is it to see Franco on the cover of Soap Opera Freakin’ Digest?! Smart move, Stephanie Sloane.

• Mac and Alexis? Melikes. John J. York deserves a meaty storyline and romance, non? York reminds me of those ‘90s hunks like James DePaiva, Frank Dicopoulos, and Walt Willey. You know, those talented actors who suffer at the hands of daytime executives because they are no longer deemed hot, young stud machines anymore.

Gotham, gothamtheseries.com — Exclusive:  Mystery stars added!
• The wait is over. And the future is here this Monday at 8 p.m. ET. Gotham will finally air online in just three days. Creator, star, writer, and producer (Whew — take a breath here) Martha Byrne tells The Suds Report exclusively that several mystery soap actors will be lending their voices to the web series. “There are mystery voiceovers of future cast members in the beginning of the first episode,” reveals the Emmy winner. “The actors will not be listed in the credits so it will be a fun guessing game for the fans.” How much you want to bet one of the voices is welovesoaps.net’s Roger Newcomb whispering sweet nothings to Michael Park?! LOL! For your chance to win an autographed Gotham script, log on to The Suds Report’s Facebook page, and tell us what you thought of Byrne’s inaugural episode. If I can, I will be tweeting while I watch the first Gotham offering. As for how many episodes we can expect this season, Byrne simply says, “At this point, it’s all open-ended.”

One Life To Live, ABC — God of Carnage!
• My favourite new website, AfterElton.com, interviewed Emmy winner Ron Carlivati regarding his brave, groundbreaking Kish storyline. When I last spoke with RC — right after the Kish kiss — he told me that he received no negative reaction from viewers nor the network. Which kind of makes you wonder if only homophobic viewers watch CBS soaps. A few months later, Carlivati tells AfterElton.com that the storyline is still a resounding success sans backlash. He says, “The network has been really supportive and fantastic about the story. I just kept writing it waiting for the day when they’d say, ‘OK. That’s enough.’ [laughs] But it didn’t happen, so they’ve been great.”

He adds, “I always say, at heart, this is a love story like any other. I just try to write the story like I would if this was a straight couple. Obviously, some other issues become a part of that story. We did take on this gay marriage issue, but essentially, again, we tried to write it from the standpoint of a love story, not a political story.”

Hey, after penning an obscene rapemance last year, this storyline is a parade.

The former legal eagle does hint that we haven’t seen the last of future psycho, Nick. “After the wedding, it seems like that's the end for Nick, but we found a way to have him come roaring back into the story very soon.”

Venice, venicetheseries.com —  See You Next Tuesday!
• Karma’s a bitch! Or a lesbian. Emmy winner Crystal Chappell tells The Suds Report that her much buzzed-about web soap will now debut on Dec. 4! “That was always the case,” Chappell maintains through her spokesperson. So, without further adieu, here’s the fierce Venice promo, lesbo lovahs! I can’t wait. Chappell has proven that you can shoot an aesthetically beautiful show with no budget. Translation? With millions of dollars and myriad resources, Guiding Light show-killer, Ellen Wheeler, proved she had no business helming a series, let alone a makeup brush. If I were Ellen, I’d hide out in an Afghanistan cave for the rest of my life. Or return to acting.

The Young and the Restless, CBS/Global — Shemar Moore he’s not! • Y&R needs to fire its casting director, STAT! EW.com stunned the soap world earlier this week by revealing that Darius McCrary — best known for playing Eddie Winslow on the long-running ABC sitcom Family Matters — has signed a multi-year deal to assume the role beginning Nov. 18.  His debut will air on Dec. 29. “We are thrilled to have the character of Malcolm back on Y&R,” according to a statement from Maria Bell, the drama’s co-executive producer/head writer. “Malcolm, Neil Winters’ brother, has always been a catalyst to exciting stories. He’s coming back to town to see his brother and to reunite with his biological daughter, Lily Winters, as she fights for her life. Malcolm is a photographer … someone who lives on the edge and who always pushes the envelope.”

• Once again, the behind-the-scenes drama is far more interesting than what is happening on our screens. Celebrating his 20-year anniversary as Jack Abbott, Emmy winner Peter Bergman gave ETonline.com a juicy   interview. When queried about which question fans most ask, La Bergman responded, “Fans ask me most often: ‘Do Eric and I get along in real life?’ My answer is … next question.” Burn. I have to say, I respect Bergman for his blunt honesty. It’s rare. Suds Report contacted Eric Braeden's rep for comment but at press time Charles Sherman was still seeking a reaction from Braeden.

• Do we need more black writers in daytime? Of course. But considering how Y&R embarrassingly fumbled their gay storyline — with a homosexual writer on staff, to boot — maybe we just need talented writers no matter who they are. Humans are humans. Just write a good story, damn it.

Soap Opera Mystery Hour — This week’s hottest blind items
—Which daytime diva, who Suds reported was on the verge of a nervous breakdown last week, actually had a meltdown on the set this past week?

—Which two east-coast daytime divas couldn’t stand to work with each other? No worries — one of the women is now unemployed, so all is right in Brooklyn.

—Which west-coast actor is so gay even his wife suspects? Too bad everyone knows but him.

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Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.