The Suds Report - Nov13/09

SUDSIEST QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“As thick as a film script.”
—GH’s James Franco regarding his first day in Port Charles
Translation: That’s what Sean Penn said.

“I was supposed to be awful.”
—DAYS’s Molly Burnett blames the writing, not her interpretation, for why viewers and critics sported a major hate-on for her to We Love Soaps TV’s Damon Jacobs.
Translation: That’s why they hired an awful actress.

“’We’re going to torture you.’”
—Mark Consuelos quoting an AMC wardrobe person on his return to the soap that made him a star in Soap Opera Digest
Translation: And that’s just the writing.

MARKETING 101
Nine coming to a sudsy small screen
Once again, the daytime-TV world has to bow down to Hollywood despite the fact that the favour is never returned. To promote its upcoming holiday film, Nine, the Weinstein Co. and Disney will work with AMC, One Life and GH to incorporate the film into their stories. Also, on Nov. 22, a two-minute Nine trailer will run simultaneously “road-block” style on Lifetime, ABC Family, SOAPnet, A&E and Bio.

A SUDSY CHRISTMAS
Soap stars headline the Hollywood Christmas Parade
Holy Christ-mas! This December, you can check out your fave soap stars during the annual Hollywood Christmas Parade, which will be televised (check local listings). Scheduled to appear are Grand Marshal Susan Lucci, along with Jeanne Cooper, Eileen Davidson, Hayley Erin, Sean Kanan, Kate Linder, Kevin Schmidt, Julie Berman, Carolyn Hennesy, Dominic Zamprogna, Lesley-Anne Down, Jennifer Gareis and Heather Tom.

THE IDIOT RATINGS
Winner: GH inches closer to DAYS!
Loser: One Life last-rated soap! Y&R loses after Mustache-gate!

Credit: Soap Opera Network

Ratings for the week November 2-6, 2009
(Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)

Total Viewers
1. Y&R 4,834,000 (-168,000/+160,000)
2. B&B 3,142,000 (-135,000/-237,000)
3. DAYS 2,866,000 (-93,000/+180,000)
4. GH 2,782,000 (+54,000/-113,000)
5. AMC 2,576,000 (-146,000/-88,000)
6. ATWT 2,548,000 (+41,000/-3,000)
7. OLTL 2,450,000 (-70,000/-243,000)

Households
1. Y&R 3.5/12 (-.1/+.1)
2. B&B 2.3/8 (-.1/-.2)
3. DAYS 2.1/7 (-.1/+.1)
3. GH 2.1/6 (same/-.1)
5. AMC 2.0/7 (-.1/same)
6. ATWT 1.9/6 (+.1/same)
6. OLTL 1.9/6 (same/-.1)

All My Children, ABC/A — Raising the Barr? • Hell has frozen over. Despite Soaps In Depth reporting this week that Julia Barr will not be returning to help celebrate AMC’s 40th anniversary on Jan. 5, SOAPnet.com announced that the Emmy winner will be back! Joining Barr are Leven Rambin, Laurence Lau, and Taylor Miller. Boy, are they all in for a rude awakening when they receive their crayon-written scripts. • He shoots, he scores! Earlier today, hockey whore Thorsten Kaye co-hosted The View with BFF Whoopi Goldberg to celebrate the Oscar winner’s birthday. It's the first time a man has guest-co-hosted since Mario Cantone back in 2007. It’s also the first time a soon-to-be unemployed soap actor hosted a talk show. According to Digest, Kaye will last tape in early December.

• Cameron Mathison assures fans in Weekly and Digest that he will continue to be a correspondent for Good Morning America when he moves to L.A. In story 411, Mathison relays that Erica and Ryan will be involved very deeply by the time Greenlee returns.

• What kind of special crack is Digest smoking because I want some! In this week’s issue the usually on-target critics chose the Who Killed Stuart? reveal as their editor’s choice! Um, are we watching the same show?

As The World Turns, Global/CBS — Nuclear incest!
• One Life’s loss is World Turns’s gain. Daniel Cosgrove has chosen Oakdale as his next soap home. Look for the Emmy-nominated actor to debut in early 2010. At press time, no character information was released.

• In story 411, Lily and Damian adopt Noah, who is an adult and their son’s lover. Seriously. So that  would make Luke and Noah “brothers” with off-screen benefits! In certain southern states, that would be considered hot.

• That’s soap vet Christopher Durham playing Congressman Whitman on Nov. 17 and 18. Durham will support Lesli Kay’s storyline. In Soap Weekly, Kay recalls her first day on World Turns: “I dropped a robe and the entire crew was like, ‘Molly’s back.’” And so is freakin’ Lesli Kay.

The Bold and the Beautiful, CBS/CTV — A White Christmas?
• Hurray —TV legend Betty White returns to B&B next week! But this may be the last we see of the Emmy winner. Is Brad Bell planning on killing Ann? Well, that’s the rumour. Memo to Brad — no one kills Betty White and lives to tell the tale. In story, Ann returns to L.A. under mysterious circumstances prompting old childhood issues between Pam and Stephers. Perhaps that whore Steffy will come on to Ann since she’s running out of people to seduce.

• During an interview with Extra, Heather Locklear hinted that her real-life beau Jack Wagner could appear on the Melrose Place reboot. “It would be great fun,” said Locklear, who adds that she wouldn’t want him to “kiss anyone else ... that's a no-no.” You’ve been warned, Ashley Jones. On an unrelated note, that sound you hear is Hunter Tylo screaming, “I want to be on Melrose Place, damn it! And I’m not pregnant — I swear!”

Days of our Lives, NBC/Global — Sami gets her baby!
• The crap hits the fan this week on DAYS. Do not miss a single day or you’ll regret it. Here’s a preview — Sami gets her baby back, Nicole is arrested, EJ learns the truth, and most importantly, Louise Sorel and Crystal Chappell come face-to-face as Vivian and Carly! Let the bitching begin!

• Yep, that’s Roark Critchlow on TV’s new breakout hit, V! Congrats.

• Marnie Saitta is at it again! Gabriela Rodriguez has been cast as Rafe and Ari’s sister, Gabi. The newcomer first airs on Nov. 20.

• Because Twitter just doesn’t reach enough people — Molly Burnett and Casey Deidrick give another “exclusive” interview to Digest on their epic romance. It’s nauseating. “We are dorks,” announces Burnett. You can say that again, Molly.

Daytimeconfidential.com — Who needs soaps?
• Is Luke Kerr the new Rupert Murdoch? DC.com has been so successful that those kooky kids have spun off two sister websites, TV Fan Online and Movie Junkie. Check it out!

General Hospital, CTV/A — Will the original Lucky 3 L's reunite? • Head writer Bob Guza-Marcil strongly hints to Soaps In Depth that Emmy winner Genie Francis may be returning to GH sooner than we expect. • This is hilarious! I swear no other soap fan base in daytime has a sicker or more hilarious sense of humour than GH viewers! • Congrats to Canadian Dominic Zamprogna who wed makeup artist fiancée Linda on Nov. 1 in L.A.’s Griffith Park. Now cut your hair, dude! • It’s raining men in Port Charles! Emmy winner Chad Brannon will be returning to GH for one episode towards the end of the year.

• Is it Valentin Day yet? As previously reported, GH has delayed Matt Borlenghi’s debut as Valentin Cassadine because of Jonathan Jackson’s return and James Franco’s appointment until “winter or early spring.” I have to say, I’m eager and curious to see what Borlenghi will do as the latest Cassadine spawn. Hurry up, Bob! You’ve got me hooked again.

One Life To Live, ABC — Hello, you have no new viewers!
• According to The Advocate’s Michael Fairman, Kyle and Fish will have sex sometime before the end of the year. Fairman writes, “the show promises a happy gay New Year in Llanview.” 

Speaking of the gays, why did One Life fail miserably when it came to promoting their groundbreaking, historic gay nuptials? When AMC aired their Reese and Bianca wedding, every single mainstream news outlet and magazine promoted and covered the event. Couldn’t Brian Frons have booked Scott Evans and Brett Claywell on The View or on Live! With Regis and Kelly? Gay marriage is a hot topic right now, so One Life really dropped the ball. Why didn’t ABC ask gay marriage right advocates, like Rosie O’Donnell or Ellen DeGeneres, to appear on the show as one of the married couples or as the minister? I bet you a billion dollars they would have jumped at the opportunity because they are passionate about equality in America, especially after what happened in Maine. And then they wonder why daytime is dying. Pathetic. As Santa Barbara, Ryan’s Hope and Generations proved, writing a great soap just isn’t enough. The marketing people on soaps need to start thinking outside the box and stop relying solely on soap magazine coverage. Heck, do I have to produce a Scott Evans sex tape to get this show on the map?

• La Fairman also interviews 620-time Emmy winner Erika Slay-me-with-her-talents-zek about the cancellation rumours surrounding One Life/One Death here.
 
RealityBytes, http://www.realitybytes-theseries.com — Drake who?
• We Love Soaps is reporting that former GH and B&B stud Ben Hogestyn has been cast on Tristan Rogers’ upcoming web soap as Jacob Kaplan. Let’s hope Rogers doesn’t waste the actor’s talents like his former soaps did.

The Republic, http://www.therepublictv.com/index.html — The Republic sans Eric Braeden!
• Here’s your first look at Melody Thomas Scott’s new web series, The Republic. According to the show’s website, the principal photography and trailer will be completed by Thanksgiving. Loving the hair colour, Mel.

Soapoperaweekly.com — Cover Idol! • The wait is over — the top two cover finalists from each soap have been revealed! The Top 5 winners will be announced in December. For all the finalists, pick up the Nov. 24 issue of Weekly or head to their website. Don’t forget to pick up this week’s collector’s 20th anniversary issue (we’re all getting old — scary), which is full of old cover shots and stories! Welovesoaps.com — Why you should see this interview! • How cute is this interview with Crystal Chappell and Damon Jacobs from the Day of DAYS event? Venice, venicetheseries.com —  Première date announced! • We Love Soaps is reporting the first airdate of Crystal Chappell’s Venice is slated for Nov. 27. Party at my house! Bring your own carpet.

• Worst comeback ever? Yep, that pretty much sums up Thom Bierdz’s ill-conceived return as gay Phillip Chancellor. What a waste. Bierdz’s comeback marked the beginning of Y&R’s stunning descent into crappiness. In story, Phillipa leaves Genoa City for the Outback so he can protect Cane, which means daytime’s first out contract player will be off the canvas. But he could be back. Or not.

• Just as I predicted, Carolyn Hinsey is ranting about Billy’s unrealistic takeover of Restless Style. It’s hilarious. Check out Hinsey’s must-read antics in this week’s Soap Opera Digest.

• Check out this Twitter account, Jabot Executive (Jabot_Cosmetics), for some hilarious Y&R insider scoopage!

SOAP OPERA MYSTERY HOUR — This week’s hottest blind items
— Which closeted gay star is jealous over an out gay actor’s buzz and mainstream coverage?

—Which daytime queen finally got his wish when he finally set up a threesome with his boyfriend and another soap actor?

—Which daytime diva is thisclose to having a nervous breakdown?

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Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.