The Suds Report - Oct30/09

SUDSIEST QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“It was rehabilitation … from the negotiations. He’s been cured miraculously! Miracles do happen. A week ago, I didn’t think they would.”
—Eric Braeden to EW.com on re-signing with Sony
Translation: Apparently, miracles cost $500,000.

“Hmmm … oh, what’s the name? Oh yeah, Cougar Town!”
—Carolyn Hennesy to Digest when asked what her favourite new fall TV show is
Translation: What. A. Stupid. Question!

“I read blogs where people say, ‘I don’t need to watch this gay stuff on my television!’ I’m like, ‘Are you blind?’ Are you not living in the same world I’m living in? Because gays are all over prime time. They’re all over the news with ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ and the fight for equality. I hate to break it to you Midwest, but there are gay people all over the United States!”
—One Life’s Scott Evans to TV Guide Magazine’s Michael Logan regarding homophobic TV viewers
Translation: And they act on and write your favourite soaps!

“Such is the nature of awards. Nearly every field of human endeavour has a regular prize. And nearly every prize seems to regularly go to a clearly undeserving winner. Woody Allen’s character complained in Annie Hall, “They’re always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.” If an award like that really did exist, though, they’d probably end up giving it to Mussolini.”
—Jonathan Chait writes about the condition of awards in The New Republic
Translation: That explains The Daytime Emmy Awards!

“No [this is not classic Dorian]. It’s totally unexpected Ron Carlivati visioning. It doesn’t fall into a pocket of classic Dorian. Classic usually to me infers this is what has been the trademark of this character in the past, and this is so out of left field. I think people would’ve bet money that Dorian would do just about anything to take the election away from Viki, but to actually stand there and declare herself not just a lesbian, but, by the way, here is my fiancé. We didn’t make a big deal about it, but she’s [Amelia] also a woman of colour. Hello!”
—Robin Strasser to out.com regarding her risky gay-for-pay storyline
Translation: I’m not impressed, Ron.

SUDSY CONTEST
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THE IDIOT RATINGS — October 19-23, 2009
Bad week for soaps!
Winner: Uh, oh! AMC beats GH and One Life!
Loser: World Turns and One Life duke it out for the lowest-rated show! Y&R loses a quarter million viewers as Eric Braeden’s last airdate approaches! B&B sinks, too!

Courtesy of SON.com

(Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)

Total Viewers
1. Y&R 5,054,000 (-253,000/+65,000)
2. B&B 3,241,000 (-250,000/-279,000)
3. DAYS 3,002,000 (-37,000/+346,000)
4. AMC 2,670,000 (+68,000/-73,000)
5. GH 2,565,000 (-15,000/-62,000)
6. OLTL 2,492,000 (-75,000/-147,000)
7. ATWT 2,447,000 (-103,000/-296,000)

Households
1. Y&R 3.7/13 (-.1/same)
2. B&B 2.4/8 (-.1/-.3)
3. DAYS 2.2/7 (same/+.2)
4. AMC 2.0/7 (same/-.1)
5. GH 1.9/6 (same/-.2)
5. OLTL 1.9/6 (same/-.1)
7. ATWT 1.8/6 (same/-.3)
 
All My Children, A/ABC — Here comes the hair model!
• The beautiful but oh-so-untalented Denise Vasi revealed on Twitter that she got engaged over the weekend. According to ABC Soaps in Depth, Vasi met her finance, Sevan Arslanian, at the birthday party of a friend. Congrats to the happy couple. Now take an acting class, honey!

• Another actor not making the L.A. move is Lucy Merriam, who plays Emma. Cameron Mathison tells Digest that the role will be recast. “I’ll miss her so much,” Mathison said. “It will be very hard to recast.”

• Despite reports, AMC is not receiving new opening credits. However, the show will be filming new cast members, including a fresh Rebecca Budig shot, for its opening montage.

• Soaps In Depth made a mistake captioning a picture of Cameron Mathison exiting a taxi. The magazine claims Mathison was making a mad dash to the ABC studios, but he’s really on 72nd Street and not 66th Street. I know because I used to live on 72nd street.

• While Soaps In Depth claims there are no current plans to bring back Cady McClain to AMC, Suds Report hears otherwise.

• According to soapoperadigest.com, Eva La Rue has been approached about returning to AMC for the 40th anniversary episodes — if AMC can work with CSI Miami’s schedule.

As The World Turns, Global/CBS — Do-or-die time in November! • Several concerned sources tell The Suds Report that CBS will be watching the ratings during November Sweeps in order to determine the future of World Turns. So start tuning in now if you want Oakdale to live another year. “We’re pulling out all the stops this month to atone for our past mistakes,” says one insider. “Tell everyone to watch World Turns this month. If not, we’re going to be cancelled.” • Say ciao to Ewa da Cruz! Digest reports that Vienna will leave town for a while. • Bravo to the cast of World Turns! I tuned in to watch my favourite World Turns character, Brad Snyder, die. All in all, the fallout has been amazing. Terri Colombino tore my heart out when Katie learned Brad had died before he could see their son. But these tour-de-force performances are still not worth losing Austin Peck. • That was fast — Forbes March tells Suds Report that he’s out as scarf whore Mason. Click here to read my revealing interview with March.

• Perfection isn’t in the details, according to CBS’s marketing department, who misspelled World Turns as As The WORD Turns in a recent promo. D’oh! Daytimeconfidential.com’s reader Season made me laugh out loud when she wrote that the 'L' in World was currently embroiled in contract negotiations with TeleNext! 

• Hear Colleen Zenk Cougar roar! Daytimeconfidential.com aired a fantastic interview with my soap crush, the fierce Colleen Zenk Pinter. Click here to hear the soap chat now! Isn’t it fun to see Pinter’s career on fire again?

• DVR Alert — Emmy winner Maura West is back as Carly this Monday! Let’s pray West has tied her tubes or I am going to start calling her OctoMom, Maura Plus 8, or The Woman in the Shoe.

The Bold and the Beautiful, CBS/CTV — The slut from Beverly Hills!
• Meet the neighbours from the valley — Barry Livingston and Erin Moran appear as married couple Mike and Kelly from the Logan family’s old neighbourhood on Nov. 12 and 13.

• Choose your favourite Soap Opera Weekly cover featuring the incest bunch, B&B, here! I chose Kimberlin Brown and Tracey Bregman’s “Yikes” cover because that’s the way I roll, ‘yo.

• Will Stephanie start calling Steffy, the slut from Beverly Hills? In story 411, Steffy kisses Bill after he hires her as a fashion designer!

• Heather Tom has finally blossomed into the beautiful and sexy woman I always knew was hiding underneath that awkward cocoon of hers. Also, her sexy new body is out of control (all that marathon running is paying off). Next time the Logan sisters treat Katie like an ugly duckling, I hope Tom slaps the writers.

Days of our Lives, NBC/Global — Carly versus Hope!
• Choose your favourite Soap Opera Weekly DAYS cover here. Since Weekly was once known as Days of our Lives Weekly, there are a lot of covers to choose from. I ended up voting twice because I couldn’t decide between Drake Hogestyn’s solo cover, and Crystal Chappell/Robert Kelker-Kelly/Lisa Rinna/Michael Sabatino’s "Full House" shoot.

• Muscles Fridays! Turn to page 81 in Soap Opera Digest to swoon over a super-hot picture of Eric Martsolf in Very Hot Shots. “Just look at those muscles,” squeals Arianne Zucker.

• Next week, Hope finds Carly in Bo’s bed! Since Crystal Chappell and Kristian Alfonso never worked together before, I’m dying to see this beautiful face-off — literally! Bo’s one lucky guy!

General Hospital, CTV/A — Vaughan goes postal! • Those fine folks at GH have finally confirmed the departure of Natalia Livingston. “We were thrilled that we were able to get Natalia back for a second run, after her Emmy-winning turn as Emily Quartermaine,” noted a show spokesperson in a statement. Yeah, let’s pretend Rebecca never happened, shall we? • Don’t believe the rumour that states Jonathan Jackson only re-signed with ABC for six months. The Emmy winner is back for a multiple-year stint, report sources close to Jackson. • See, there was no reason to worry about Greg Vaughan. The handsome and talented actor has already secured work. Vaughan has joined the cast of the vastly improved 90210. Now spend your valuable time worrying for an actor who really needs your prayers, Colin Egglesfield! • Don’t expect Vanessa Marcil to return to GH until “2010,” says a source to Soap Opera Digest. “There are too many things going on to accommodate Brenda’s return. That’s why they had to push back the Cassadine story. They just can’t add another big event to the canvas right now. Their thinking is, ‘Let’s spread the wealth out.’”

• Las Vegas and Lost’s Marsha Thomason has been cast as a “mystery woman” involved in James Franco's story on General Hospital, according to Soap Opera Digest. Not exactly the Las Vegas actress we were hoping would land on GH, but she’ll do.

• Kelly Monaco tells Soaps In Depth that she won’t be tying the knot anytime soon. Not because she hasn’t ever been asked, but because, “I don’t believe in marriage at this point. I believe in the concept of marriage and monogamy. But I don’t believe in the paper. Not until we all can get married.”

One Life To Live, ABC — Blame Mitch Lawrence for Rex Balsom!
• Stop the presses! One Life miraculously scored a full-image Soap Opera Digest cover on the heels of securing prime real estate on last week’s Soap Opera Weekly! Featuring John-Paul Lavoisier, the magazine reveals that Mitch is Rex’s father! I just pray One Life doesn’t kill off Mitch again in another lame murder mystery. If Roscoe Born doesn’t stick around permanently, please ship Mitch out of town or throw him in  jail. If Llanview buys another umpteenth Mitch murder, I’m writing them all off as morons. Also returning is one of the worst recasts in daytime history, Ann Hamilton (GL’s Mindy) as Rex’s Aunt Corrine, who along with Brody’s sister, Nadine, kidnaps Rex before revealing the DNA truth.

• I have to echo Robin Strasser’s concerns over Dorian’s decision to pretend she’s a friend of Crystal Chappell’s in order to secure the gay vote. Couldn’t she have accomplished the same thing by throwing a mass gay wedding ceremony and paying for it? The Dorian I know and love would never concede to anyone that her rival, Viki, could beat her in the mayoral race — polls or no polls. The Dorian I know and love would have relied on Viki’s mentally unbalanced, murderous past, and the fact that she owns a newspaper to win. Viki could have hit back, too, which would have provided an organic platform to revisit the rivals’ past. Once again, head writer Ron Carlivati prefers to write Dorian like Alexis Colby, and not, you know, Dorian Lord, who is a far more interesting character. I’d like to see how Dorian explains that she’s no longer a lesbian to Llanview’s gay community once the election is over. One step forward, two steps back! In the end, Dorrie isn’t doing us any favours by claiming she’s one of us — especially for a publicity stunt. Especially for homophobic people who claim homosexuality is a choice. Also, considering the winner will be determined by one vote — Markko — did Dorian really need to go to all this trouble? I would think Dorian would hate the fact that she has to lie to win the mayoral race. Dorian is too proud to admit to Viki that she had to pull off a stunt to beat her. Regardless, this groundbreaking storyline is fun to watch and is extremely well-written, so I can overlook this contrived, faux-gay twist. In casting news, look for Wortham Krimmer to officiate the gay nuptials on crack.

• Turn to page 22 in this week’s Soap Opera Weekly for a cute interview with that scene-stealing little punk, Carmen LoPorto! Doesn’t One Life have the best younger cast in the business? Maybe one day, the Daytime Emmy Awards will realize this fact.

Venice, venicetheseries.com —  Bjorlin casting switcheroo!
• Crystal Chappell must have lost my phone number. Due to Elizabeth Keener's illness, Nadia Bjorlin has taken over the high profile role of Lara. Keener will appear on the series as a different character in the second season. Bjorlin tells me the emergency switcheroo was made at the very last minute. “Crystal Chappell called me two hours before they had to film,” says the excited beauty. “Thanks to this role, I’m an even bigger lesbian!” Not possible, Nadia, not possible! We all know Brandon Beemer is your beard, er, stubble! In the story, Bjorlin will fight Chappell for Jessica Leccia’s Ani. According to Bjorlin, Chappell even directed an episode the other day.

WelovesoapsTV, welovesoaps.net — Who needs SOAPnet?
• Here’s a preview of the second episode of We Love Soaps TV on the set of Venice. Enjoy!

The Young and the Restless, CBS/Global — Kanan is Able! Plus — Braeden speaks to ET Canada!
• Real or rumour? Soap Opera Weekly is claiming Sean Kanan was fired from Y&R. Kanan, who is currently on recurring status, tells Suds Report exclusively that he has not been let go. The actor assures viewers that his storyline is just merely winding down over the next few weeks, but he will be back on the show soon. “They scripted a short-term storyline for me with a beginning, middle and end to test the waters and gauge viewer reaction to Deacon,” explains Kanan. “Paul Rauch assures me that I’m still on the show because my entry into Genoa City has been very successful from all angles. Deacon may be off for a while until the writers have time to pen me a bigger storyline. Now would be the perfect time for Deacon to briefly visit [B&B].”

Kanan is upset over messages on the Sony and CBS Y&R board claiming he was fired because he had allegedly fallen off the wagon. “I’m livid,” he announces. “My family, friends and eight-year-old daughter reads these message boards. These accusations are libelous — and not true. I’ve worked my Goliath ass off to be sober, so I resent these anonymous posters trying to ruin my career. I’m proud that I’m sober, so for them to state otherwise is just astounding and cruel. I’m just a father trying to make a living here, people.”

I have to say, I completely agree with Kanan. These contentious message boards are out of control. Perhaps if posters were forced to use their real names and faces, then it would be easier to seek these cowards out. Say what you want, but own it, people!

• He continues to speak! Eric Braeden gave an interview to ET Canada on re-signing with those cold bastards at Sony. Here’s what the Emmy winner had to say:

On contract negotiations:
“Obviously, one’s first reaction is one of anger. It is like going through a divorce, it is like losing someone. It is, when you’ve worked on a show for as long as I have, and have given everything you have to it, and have proudly identified with it and pushed it and publicized it, then to suddenly become funded with that reality ... makes you angry.”

The fan reaction:
“[The fan reaction] had a lot to do with my change of heart. The viewers were so vehement in their expressions of disappointment and anger that I was profoundly moved by that. And I'm going to come back to Genoa City and take some prisoners, you know? Some people need to be taken care of. We need to make people aware of the fact that Victor has finally woken up to Adam's shenanigans, Jack's shenanigans, and Billy's shenanigans, so I wanna come back.”

On his loyal Canadian fans:
“Look, I’ve been going to Canada for years, for the last nearly 30 years. I love to go over there. I love Canadian fans. They’re very expressive, very vocal about their support. I was particularly moved by their expressions of upset with the possibility that the character Victor Newman could leave the show. And they had a hell of a lot to do with it. They really did. I’ve had nothing but positive reactions in Canada for all these years, so I have a very soft spot in my heart for Canadians, and the Canadian audience that watches the show. People are very nice up there. They really are. Very civilized, and very nice. And very loyal.”

On his life mantra:
“I’m the friendliest guy. But if you come to me in any other way, I have a corresponding reaction. That’s just who I am. I grew up during very tough times, after the war, during the war in Germany. And you learn to fight. You take no shit. That’s all. Is that a word in the Canadian vocabulary?”

His co-stars’ reaction:
“I heard from some, yes. Mostly from Melody Thomas Scott who plays Nikki, who was obviously very concerned. Others were concerned. Sharon Case [called]. And others were simply waiting to see whether this would come to an end or not.”

Post-contract negotiations:
“We haven’t had a tequila yet. So, are there remnants of bitterness? Um, not on my side, you know? It’s one of the things you learn growing up where I grew up and the notion of forgiveness. There’s no sense in harbouring continuing resentments to forgive and you forget. And I would say that is the most important part of the Christian legacy, to forgive. And in the end, that is what all enemies have to do.”

Soap Opera Mystery Hour — This week’s hottest blind items
— Which two west-coast co-stars who play best friends can’t stand each other? 

—Which east-coast gay actor is playing out views that he personally disagrees with?

—Which AMC actor has prompted various eye rolls from her co-stars because she was asked to move out to L.A.?

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Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.