SUDSIEST QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“He is a very sweet guy. It was disconcerting to have some 28-year-old straight guy playing your son in a hospital bed, and going, ‘My baby. I am here for you.’ John Driscoll is a great son to have for a gay guy!” [Laughs]
—Y&R’s Thom Bierdz to The Advocate’s Michael Fairman
Translation: Would it be weird to ask John out on a date?

“I had lunch with Jane [Elliot; Tracy, GH] and we discussed how the audience was so articulate about Guiding Light and how much they loved the show and were so sad when it ended, and that on GH, mafia and bad violence has turned people away. The networks don’t get that our viewers are so intuitive and smart. Even GH people, who had never watched GL and are faithful to their show, understood what it meant to lose a show like that. Daytime is a lot classier than people think, and it hurt to be back on daytime and see what has happened in the genre. I love this genre!”
—World Turns star Lynn Herring to Michael Fairman’s On Air, On Soaps
Translation: I hate GH for making me slum it on World Turns!

“I’m like, ‘No, it’s really not for me anymore.’ If they only knew the politics of the whole business that we’re in. There are very clear reasons why I don’t want to go back on that show. [Obviously, GH didn’t contact me to come back in 2004 because] I’m obviously divorced in real life from the person that they would have had me working with. And that’s not an option. [Later] I do have to say that I experience a bit of glee at the fact that [Lesli Kay as Lois] wasn’t quite as successful. Is that bitter?”
—Emmy winner Rena Sofer to Soap Opera Digest’s Lauren Flynn on why she’ll never return to GH unless there is a regime change
Translation: Jill Farren Phelps and Bob Guza can bite me!

“The story leaked, so people are going to be expecting it. Which drives me crazy. If you know already that something’s going to happen, it just takes away.”
—World Turns’s Terri Colombino to Soaps In Depth on Brad’s death next week
Translation: Because it takes a rocket scientist to figure out the “genius” storytelling on World Turns. Let’s see: his character is happily married and expecting a baby, so who would have ever guessed that World Turns would kill off the happy husband and expectant father? Especially after Soaps In Depth tweeted Austin Peck was fired? Anyway, the soap mags always spoil plot twists a week before they air anyway …

“Paul Rauch [Sorel’s former flame and One Life to Live boss] would have asked me [if I had ballooned to an overweight woman during my soap hiatus]! [Laughs] He’d come right out and say ‘How do you look?’
—Louise Sorel to TV Guide Magazine’s Michael Logan
Translation: I’ll take a side of bitters with that jerk!

SUDSY CONTEST
Wanna cruise with your favourite soap stars?
You may have to sleep with me to win this contest, but click here to find out how you can win a free cabin on Mike Gold/Cameron Mathison’s Soap Cruise this January! Be warned: I’ll be on board!

THE IDIOT RATINGS —October 12-16, 2009
Winner: It’s a freakin’ miracle — all soaps increase! Y&R re-attracts those fickle 300,000 viewers!
Loser: Can B&B maintain its second place with DAYS nipping at its heels?
Courtesy of SON.com
(Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)

Total Viewers
1. Y&R 5,307,000 (+362,000/+646,000)
2. B&B 3,491,000 (+233,000/+87,000)
3. DAYS 3,039,000 (+24,000/+339,000)
4. AMC 2,602,000 (+129,000/+96,000)
5. GH 2,580,000 (+70,000/-111,000)
6. OLTL 2,567,000 (+165,000/-17,000)
7. ATWT 2,550,000 (+133,000/-5,000)

Households
1. Y&R 3.8/12 (+.2/+.4)
2. B&B 2.5/8 (+.2/same)
3. DAYS 2.2/7 (same/+.2)
4. AMC 2.0/6 (+.1/+.1)
5. OLTL 1.9/6 (same/-.1)
5. GH 1.9/6 (same/-.2)
7. ATWT 1.8/6 (+.1/-.1)

All My Children, A/ABC — Murder, He Tried To Write!
• Shocker — not! Despite head writer Chuck Pratt’s assertions to the soap magazines that no one in the entire world could ever guess his genius killer reveal in the lame Who Killed Stuart? murder mystery, it was revealed Thursday that Adam killed his twin. Suds Report first broke the news that Stuart would be murdered and that Adam was the culprit long before the story even began airing, so guess what, Chucky, you’re not as talented as you’d like everyone to believe. The day that hack can outwit, outplay and outlast a soap viewer is the day I quit this business. In related news, sources tell Suds Report that David Canary will remain on canvas until Easter.

• Screw Canada AM! According to Mediaite, Toronto’s Cameron Mathison is possibly up to replace Good Morning America’s Diane Sawyer on the a.m. show. Memo to Cam: take it if ABC offers it to you, but I doubt they will. It’s unlikely considering Mathison is in the process of moving to LA.
 
• Colin Egglesfield’s “big break” didn’t last very long. Daytime’s controversial un-abortion has been fired from Melrose Place. He’ll last air in January.

• Sorry, Y&R! That talented hot mess, Leven Rambin, has booked two gigs — Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice! Congrats — you deserve it.

• Daytimeconfidential.com is reporting that AMC will be producing new opening credits to coincide with their historic L.A. move. I think it’s unnecessary since AMC boasts the best opening credits on the alphabet network. Conversely, One Life and GH’s title sequences are so outdated — they should be the shows that receive the makeover, not AMC. I would so kill for a soap to create an opening sequence à la 30 Rock, Nurse Jackie or True Blood. Think outside the box, kids! It’s not that hard! I’m so sick of these unimaginative montages featuring actors sharply turning around, crossing their arms, and all that hair blowing.

As The World Turns, Global/CBS — March enrols at Degrassi!
• One of my fave people and actors ever, Forbes March, landed a role on Degrassi’s next untitled TV-movie! The Canadian actor travelled to Toronto to film for three days to play the role of George. “I had a blast,” March tells Suds. Incidentally, when March was looking for work a few months back (thanks a lot, kill-happy One Life), I had actually suggested the Canadian audition for Degrassi. A few months later, as luck would have it, March attended a gay wedding of a Degrassi crew member. When producers met March at the ceremony, they were quite taken with the actor and offered him a part. During the filming, the Degrassi cast and crew were seriously impressed with the actor’s work, so don’t be too surprised if he returns to the series down the road. Expect the movie, which came on the heels of Degrassi’s explosive hit and critically acclaimed telefilm, Paradise City, to air sometime next year.

• Emmy winner Tom Pelphrey is already eliciting raves for his “jaw-dropping performances” on World Turns from his co-stars, many of whom have already developed major crushes on the acting titan. “I’m in love,” squeals one co-star. “Even Chris Goutman and Roger Howarth are in love,” adds another star. Personally, I pray show killer David Kreizman pairs Mick with Katie — and not that bore, Alison, as Soap Opera Digest hinted at this week. Wouldn’t it be cool to finally see Pelphrey work opposite a capable and skilled love interest for once? And here’s a plus — Tom isn’t married, Terri.

• As the biggest Bratie fan in the universe, I think I am going to skip watching Brad’s death this week. What a dumb move, World Turns! You don’t kill off one half of your most popular couple — especially when you’re facing cancellation next year. Egos will destroy this industry just like it did GL.

• With Maura West and Lesli Kay back on World Turns, there is no need for Cady McClain, report sources. Two weeks ago, Suds Report first broke that the Emmy winner’s six-month contract wouldn’t be renewed, and this past week, McClain confirmed the news on her titular website. Let’s pray another actress is sperminated soon so we can see McClain back in fighting action. Hey, is McClain too old to play Victoria on Y&R?
 
• That sexy bastard Peter Parros is bringing black back to World Turns as Ben. The former One Life actor is just one of a handful of characters Jack runs into during his mea culpa journey after killing his hot bro, Bradley.

The Bold and the Beautiful, CBS/CTV — Tylo’s legal briefs
• Litigious Hunter Tylo has filed her second lawsuit against Shanna Downing of the Horizon Family Therapy & Wellness Center for the wrongful death of her 19-year-old son, Mickey, in 2007. As many remember, Tylo, who hasn’t met a lawsuit she didn’t like, successfully sued iconic TV producer Aaron Spelling for discrimination when he fired her from Melrose Place because she was with child (though sources claim she has still yet to receive the monetary settlement).

• Dumb, dumber and dumbest. In story 411, Jackie offers to break up with Owen so he can have the child he desperately wants (yes, because every newlywed man in his late 20s is desperate for a bambino). Reactively, Jackie urges her cub to have a baby with his friend, Steffy! WTF?! Who writes this crap? This upcoming week sounds almost as bad as the episode where Owen saved that hair model’s life when Steffy fell overboard. Afterwards, Owen explained to Jackie that he had to save Steffy’s life because she was “so beautiful” — and not because she was his friend or a human being! So, let me get this straight — if she wasn’t beautiful, he wouldn’t have saved  her life? And even if Owen had feelings for Steffy, why would he keep repeating how beautiful she is to his insecure, older wife? The increasingly impressive Brandon Beemer deserves an award for selling this garbage. I don’t know how he does it sometimes because I’d be pulling a Chris Engen.

Meanwhile, in other story news, Bill makes Donna the host of fashion talk show, The Catwalk. It’s a smart idea, except for the fact that Donna works at Forrester Creations, so isn’t that a conflict of interest? Goodness — even B&B’s business world is incestuous!

Days of our Lives, NBC/Global — Will DAYS be the third last soap standing?
• As previously reported, Galen Gering and Nadia Bjorlin have joined Venice. Crystal Chappell’s rep tells Suds Report that Gering will replace Jeff Branson, who booked a pilot. Meanwhile, Bjorlin will possibly play a romantic love interest for Jessica Leccia’s Ani. Look for Bjorlin’s character to develop more in Season 2 of the web show. Venice begins shooting next week.

• Pay attention, Jay Leno! Multiple network sources hint to The Suds Report that the comeback soap of the decade, DAYS, will more than likely be renewed very soon. All without the help of the late, great James E. Reilly, too! NBC’s lone soap had a guarantee to air until September 2011 — if certain parameters had been met. An insider reports, “We’re all impressed with how DAYS has pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. Ratings are up, and continue to grow each week, their publicity is extremely positive, Crystal Chappell’s return has brought international attention to our show and buzz we couldn’t pay for, and most importantly, costs are down. Thanks to Jay Leno, the majority of our prime-time schedule is in shambles, so we’re all pleasantly surprised that at least one of our shows is doing well — and on daytime, to boot!” Hate to say this, but good job Ken Corday! Didn’t think you could do it, but thanks to Gary Tomlin, you did! With Chappell and Louise Sorel’s highly anticipated returns this month and an action-packed, character-driven November Sweeps, expect DAYS’s ratings to soar even further. Don’t screw it up, Kenny!

• She’s baaack! Louise Sorel debuts this week! So, lock up your cemetery sites, Judi Evans! Meanwhile, Carly and Bo finally see each other (it’s about time!). Carly moves in with Bo just as Hope moves into the Kiriakis mansion with Justin. Scandalous!

General Hospital, CTV/A — Reeves’s Yummy Anatomy! 
• Mark Teschner does it again! So take that, Marnie Saitta! Don’t you just love friendly competition — it always breeds success in the end. Yesterday, TVGuide.com announced that Emmy-nominated actor Scott Reeves has been cast as Steven Lars Webber. Canadian actor Shaun Benson last played the character in 2005. Look for the insanely handsome former Y&R star to debut sometime in December. In story, Steven will be appointed GH’s new chief of staff. Watch out, Monica! I wonder if his equally talented wife, Missy Reeves, is also looking for soap work. Let’s pray she isn’t cast on AMC when the worst show on TV moves out west. I’d prefer her back on DAYS, a Kristen recast on B&B or as nuHeather on Y&R.

• He speaks! James Franco was quoted recently saying that he’s become addicted to watching GH! Whew — thank God, the ABC soap is actually good these days! “I think it’s going to be a lot of fun,” Franco-licious says about his part-time day job. “I started watching [GH] a week ago and I love it.”
 
• That bad boy Sebastian Roché is replacing Thomas Kretchmann on Fringe as the sci-fi show’s latest villain. This is one actor who should always be typecast.

• Is Greg Vaughan the new Sabine Singh? Looks like it. In promos trumpeting Emmy winner Jonathan Jackson’s return to the violent sudser, ABC’s tagline is, “Elizabeth’s first love is back!” Um, when did Lucky leave Port Chuck, GH? Let me make the intros — ABC meet Greg Vaughan, Greg Vaughan meet your former douchebag bosses. I’d be mighty careful with how you guys deal with Vaughan — the talented and handsome actor’s fans are not to be messed with. If I were Brian Frons, other than shaving off my mustache and firing Chucky Pratt, of course, I’d cast Vaughan on another ABC soap STAT.

Guiding Light — Did Lizzie give birth, too?
• Congratulations are in order for the oh-so-adorable and talented Marcy Rylan, who recently gave birth to an eight-pound, 12-ounce baby boy named Jackson Robert Money, according to SoapTown USA. Now get back on soaps you sassy girl, you! We need you, hard!

One Life To Live, ABC — Rex’s two mommies?
• Is a transsexual heading back to Llanview? Set insiders are reporting that One Life has hired back Barbara Garrick to reprise her Emmy-worthy role of wack job Alison Perkins. The low-rated sudser will finally address who Roxy’s baby daddy is. As Suds exclusively reported, Roscoe Born is also returning to the show as Mitch to round out the storyline. So who is Rex’s papa? I’d bet my money it’s Alison. Yep, you read that correctly. I doubt the infamous Ron Carlivati would go the predictable route and reveal that Mitch is Rex’s DNA match. But who knows? I’ve been wrong before.

• My future wife, Florencia Lozano, appears in John Leguizano and Harvey Keitel’s new film, The Ministers, which was released today. Congrats! For the record, Amanda Setton will be playing the role of my future mistress.

• In story 411, Bo and Nora kiss again. Yawn. This “reunion” story is beyond contrived and boring the hell out of me. Most importantly, Hillary B. Smith and Bob Woods share zero chemistry today. Smith tells Digest, “You just wait — the kiss is so hot.” Woods adds, “Like, crazy hot.” Yeah, right. I’d rather see Nigel and Nora make out.

Venice, venicetheseries.com —  Buy Crystal Chappell’s dirty undies!
• Want to buy a piece of Crystal Chappell, er Venice? Head over the Venice website to purchase merchandising from the future hit web show.

• Read the DAYS section above for the latest on Venice casting news!

WelovesoapsTV, welovesoaps.net — Mary Hart, eat your heart — and legs — out!
• Roger Newcomb has a face for TV  — not radio! Click here for the pilot episode of the highly entertaining visual companion to We Love Soaps Radio. In its first episode, Newcomb, Damon L. Jacobs and Soap Opera Weekly's Mala Bhatta — take a breath, here — charjee review the latest hot topics from around the soap world, pay a visit to the set of Gotham to talk to Martha Byrne and Anne Sayre, hit Times Square for a very Eric Braeden “Soaps on the Street” feature, and preview an interview with Lawrence Saint-Victor and Karla Mosley.
The Young and the Restless, CBS/Global — Is Bierdz really out… of the Y&R closet?
• Who needs Twitter? One Life’s Ilene Kristen revealed on Brandon’s Buzz radio show that her pal, William Russ, has been cast as Tucker! Strangely, Y&R refuses to confirm the rumour. I’d prefer it if the show had cast Stephen Nichols. That would have been hot, especially since Nichols and Eileen Davidson were a popular pair on Santa Barbara. But as you know, Y&R has a thing for washed-up prime-timers.

• The drama continues. Last week, Eric Braeden informed EW.com that he has pulled the plug on contract talks with Y&R. "[My departure is] slowly sinking in. It’s sad,” The Mustache said.

So, will Eric Braeden watch his last episode which airs on Oct. 30’s in Canada? “We’ll see,” the Emmy winner tells Suds Report. “We TiVO Y&R every day, but I was there so there is probably no need to watch it.” Ditto.

• What’s better than one Stacy Haiduk? Two Stacy Haiduks! Interesting choice by Y&R to have Patty steal her psych’s face, Dr. Emily Peterson. It’s Freudian on crack. Adding a dual role to Haiduk’s already kick-ass 2009 reels will most definitely secure the talented sex goddess a supporting actress Emmy in 2010.

• Pick your favourite Y&R cover here at SoapOperaWeekly.com! Don’t ask me why but I surprised myself by choosing Jack and Nikki’s Christmas cover!

• Here’s Part 2 of the hilarious Mr. Kitty exposé on True Soap Story. Peter Bergman has a future on E!, if you ask me! (Sorry, but Canadians are not allowed to view this video because of copyright issues. Bastards!)

• The end of gays? Despite what has been reported, Thom Bierdz isn’t necessarily out on Y&R. Bierdz tells Suds Report he doesn’t even know when his six-month contract expires. “I have to call my lawyer to find out. I’m so bad at these things. I play heavy in November, and then I’m not sure after that,” he reports. “I’d like to stay obviously, but I’d prefer a contract. I love being back on Y&R and playing Phillip as a gay man. His coming out has been inspirational to so many people.”

• According to Y&R, anyone can become editor of a magazine (let's hope the behind-the-scenes hiring practices at CBS’s writing team are more sound than in Genoa City). How long do you think it will take before Carolyn Hinsey rants about this in Digest now that Billy bought Restless Style and made himself editor and exposé story writer overnight?

Soap Opera Mystery Hour — This week’s hottest blind items
— What major news is being kept under wraps? Even by The Suds Report! Sorry, our lips are sealed shut.

—Which east-coast newcomer is a closet lesbian?

—Which soap vet asked to be taken off contract but  doesn’t want the fans or press to know?

—Which soap producer cares more about the state of his stars’ hair than acting rehearsals?

 

 

 

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Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.