The Suds Report - Aug 7/09

SUDSIEST QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“The feedback I’m getting is we love the people we grew up with; we love the people that made us feel a certain way over the years. And their comments are if they turn on a soap [General Hospital], and if they aren’t recognizing anyone in say, the first 10 minutes, not anybody, they move on. If you want your ratings, you need to have both, like Y&R, and ATWT are doing it very well, too. You cannot have a show where no one recognizes anyone from 10 years ago; it’s not well and the ratings speak to that. And not bringing back characters for a week, but for like six months. We wanted to grab the young viewers but now I think advertisers are saying they do have discretionary income, they are spending money, but people 45 and older have a lot more money and will spend it eventually, so we better hook them back in. I hope GH can do that. It’s the past and it can be the future; they need to intertwine both generations.
—Lynn Herring (Audrey, World Turns) in a Soap Opera Source interview
Translation: Chris Goutman paid me to compare World Turns and Y&R.

“I am so grateful for the wonderful commitment from ABC to All My Children. I will miss being able to run over to the show ... it feels a little like I am sending one of my children off to be married. I am glad the network is making moves that will enable the team to continue telling stories about Pine Valley. There are many more secrets to be revealed.”
—Agnes Nixon regarding AMC’s historic move to L.A.
Translation: My beloved show is deader than Irna Phillips! Good night and good luck.

“I’m dying to win so I can get up on stage, take out my plastic and say, ‘Can I put this on Visa?’”
—Jeanne Cooper (Katherine, Y&R) on the fact that NATAS is charging Emmy recipients for their golden lady at a recent fan club event
Translation: Maybe I can buy Melody Thomas Scott (Nikki, Y&R) an Emmy, too, while I’m in the NATAS checkout lane.

“There are no black writers. There are no black producers or directors.”
—Kristoff St. John (Neil, Y&R) in a must-hear buzzworthyradio.net interview
Translation: With a couple of exceptions, what he said.

“Bill Spencer Jr. He gets to say inappropriate things and I like to say inappropriate things.”
—Brandon Beemer (Owen, B&B) in a Digest roundup when asked what other soap role you’d like to play on your show
Translation: When Nelson Branco takes a sick leave, I can write Suds Report. [Ed. note: I'll be happy to work with you while he’s, ahem, sick.]

“Maybe Dorian because she’s so elaborate.”
—Crystal Hunt (Stacy, One Life) in the same Digest feature
Translation: And next, I’d like to tackle Meryl Streep’s role in Sophie’s Choice.

ROCK THE SUDS Bob Guiney wants to cruise with you — just don’t tell his wife, Rebecca Budig! Soaps are dying, so this is your last chance to hang out with your favourite bubbly soap stars. What are you waiting for? Log on to rockthesoap.com and book your ticket now. When booking your ticket, write in TVGuide.ca in the special comment field for your chance to become the official Suds Report cruise blogger!

CRUISING SOAPS
My wife Kim Zimmer added to Cameron Mathison’s Soap Cruise!
“Always, Bud:” Log on to soapcruise.com to book your ticket to relive the magic that was Reva and Josh. Also, TV Guide Canada will be offering a fan the chance to interview their favourite soap star in a printed feature in TVGuide.ca. Can you out-bitch Nelson Branco? I dare you!

WE DON’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!
More proof soaps will ruin your life!
Now this is funny: According to the Des Moines Register, police have arrested Spencer Ling on the charge of domestic assault with injury after he punched his father, Bradley Ling, in an altercation over the family’s remote control.

Spencer Ling reportedly walked into the living room where his sister, Taylor, was watching a soap opera. Spencer switched channels and carried the remote into his room.

Taylor became angry, followed him into his room and began searching for the remote. Police said Spencer called his father, and the three became involved in an altercation.

Officers spoke with all three family members and concluded that Spencer committed an assault.

Unfortunately, the Des Moines Register does not include which soap opera the sister was watching in their report so I’ll let you speculate which it might have been.

But we all know it couldn’t have been World Turns or GH!

THE IDIOT RATINGS
Winner — A B&B miracle! Is DAYS unstoppable? One Life beats AMC again!
Loser — Barbara Bloom!
 
Ratings for the week July 27-31, 2009

(Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)

Total Viewers
1. Y&R 4,938,000 (+2,000/-375,000)
2. B&B 3,471,000 (+209,000/-63,000)
3. DAYS 2,804,000 (+205,000/+252,000)
4. GH 2,600,000 (-106,000/-25,000)
5. OLTL 2,574,000 (+14,000/+109,000)
6. AMC 2,424,000 (-59,000/+41,000)
7. ATWT 2,284,000 (-93,000/-405,000)
8. GL 2,003,000 (-76,000/-268,000)

Households
1. Y&R 3.6/11 (same/-.2)
2. B&B 2.5/8 (+.1/-.1)
3. GH 1.9/6 (-.1/-.1)
3. OLTL 1.9/6 (+.1/same)
3. DAYS 1.9/6 (+.1/same)
6. AMC 1.8/6 (-.1/-.1)
7. ATWT 1.7/5 (same/-.2)
8. GL 1.5/4 (same/-.1)

All My Children, A/ABC — Did Brian Frons single-handedly save ABC Daytime? • Awkward much? Kelly Ripa (ex-Hayley), Mark Consuelos (ex-Mateo) and I used to be BFFs back in the day but we lost touch due to unfortunate circumstances. Daytime’s former real-life super-couple appeared on one of my favourite shows, Larry King Live, this past week — and I couldn’t help but laugh my arse off when the show aired an AMC clip and Ripa couldn’t even look at the screen throughout the entire scene. Consuelos did — and he looked horrified. I remember the days when Ripa and Consuelos actually loved soaps. Speaking of fake marriages, Ripa told her Live! co-host Regis Philbin that she may consider re-joining AMC now that it’s moving to L.A. Beth Ehlers (Taylor) will be happy to hear that since Ripa reportedly nixed her playing Hayley.

Reportedly, one of the worst soaps on the daytime dial will be filming in the Glassell Park neighborhood at the Andrita Studios, the former home of General Hospital: Night Shift. 

The Suds Report has exclusively learned that that a coup d’etat — helmed by the major veterans of the soap — is in the works. “We’re all banding together and threatening to quit to keep the show in New York,” a vet tells Suds. “You can print that.”

Memo to the vets: that’s exactly what ABC wants, you morons! This is a done deal, idiots! And Frons will throw himself a party if the high-priced stars quit!

Back in reality, AMC has told its cast that anyone who wants to make the trek to L.A. will be allowed to keep their jobs. Four actors who are trading the Big Apple for Holly Valley: Chrishell Stause (Amanda), Jacob Young (JR), Aiden Turner (Aidan), and Melissa Claire Egan (Annie).

Also, former AMC stars in L.A. have been approached to re-join the show. The list includes Rebecca Budig (ex-Greenlee), Tamara Braun (ex-Reese), Emmy winner Eden Riegel (ex-Binks), Alexa Havens (ex-Babe) and Justin Bruening (ex-Jamie).

Personally, ABC would have been wise to move AMC’s production to Toronto. But that would have been smart — and La Lucci wouldn’t have complained about that!

• Question: Why is Chrishell Stause (Amanda) so upset and “shocked” over AMC’s move to L.A. when she is leaving the soap? Weird.
 
• Meanwhile, Carolyn Hinsey, who coincidentally is moving her “It’s Only My Opinion” column to Alaska  (a certain overweight, jossip.com-loving former Weekly editor will be happy to hear that) reveals in her must-read NY Daily News column that the cast has one week to decide whether or not they will move to the left coast. “They’ve given us one week to decide,” confirms Thorsten Kaye (Zach), whose partner, Susan Haskell, toils on OLTL as Marty. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’m not the kind of dad who wants to be 3,000 miles away from my kids. And it’s not exactly the best time to sell real estate.”

Toronto’s Cameron Mathison (Ryan) is expected to make the move despite the fact that the former Dancing With The Stars contestant just bought a very expensive home in Harlem. “Cam’s a team player,” says a source. “He can live on both coasts.”

According to my moles, Alicia Minshew (Kendall) — whose hubby owns N.Y. bar, Prohibition —  David Canary (Adam) and Susan Lucci (Erica) are “furious,” reveals a source. “They’re in shock. We all thought daytimeconfidential’s report was wrong.” Apparently, the aforementioned also voted for George Bush.

• Listen up you moron, Barbara Bloom: ABC chief Brian Frons just saved his soap lineup. Pay attention! Hand-held cameras will not save the world. Thinking outside the box will, honey. Say what you want about Mr. Frons, but the man is smart. Yes, he’s delusional at times, but at least he knows how  — and is qualified — to do his job. Babs could learn a thing or two.

However, Frons’ decision to move AMC to L.A. to ensure its future has raised a few questions. For instance, why isn’t One Life moving, too? Is Fronzie trying to make One Life, a show that miraculously comes under budget despite its unrivalled quality, a financial failure because it won’t benefit from the L.A. tax credits (daytime soaps do not qualify for N.Y.’s infamous tax breaks)? Is Fronzie making it clear that he will never cancel AMC or GH? Of course, idiots!

“Next year, one of the ABC soaps will be cancelled,” claims a source close to Frons.” And it won’t be AMC or GH. Brian has bought us time, but the writing is still on the wall. He will never put Chuck [Pratt Jr.]  or Bob [Guza] out of a job. One Life is in serious danger despite its recent ratings [ascent]. It’s sad because One Life is ABC’s best soap. It has been for some time. We’re worried despite our new digs.”

• Good news: AMC and One Life will become available in HD when they finally squat at their new homes.

• Daytimeconfidential.com is reporting that Barbara Bloom’s BFF, Julie Hanan Caruthers, has re-signed her contract with All My Children. Hanan Caruthers will in fact remain as executive producer as AMC makes its transition to Los Angeles and its new high definition filming style. The real story? The Suds Report is hearing that iconic Y&R producer Ed Scott is “thrilled” that AMC is moving to L.A. because “he wants to helm the show. He’d kill to work for ABC.”

• As Suds reported last week, daytimeconfidential.com is confirming that Walt Willey (Jack) has been placed on recurring status.

• Check out the season finale of Pratt Falls:

As The World Turns, Global/CBS — Major story scoopage!
• Thanks, Lisa: In story 411, when Holden is presumed dead, Lily reportedly marries Damian! No joke! Also, next week, it’s revealed that Henry is James Stenbeck’s son! WTF?

• Am I drunk? The show is getting better, non? Maybe the online press is actually keeping this show honest à la CNN. Let’s see how long this lasts.

• Which producer is in serious danger of being accused of sexual harassment?

The Bold and the Beautiful, CTV/CBS — Pay attention, Bradski!
• Daytime’s best writer ever, Patrick Mulcahey, gave TVGuide.ca one of our best interviews ever when we recalled the glory days of Santa Barbara. Do yourself a favour and read this. You can thank me later.

Also, script writer Martha Byrne (and soon-to-be-ex-Andrea, GH) will be going to the Emmys as Mulcahey’s date. I’m jealous.

Days of our Lives, Global/NBC — Sweeney’s a millionaire!
• According to soapoperadigest.com, future Emmy nominee, Alison Sweeney (Sami) has inked a deal with Simon Spotlight Entertainment (SSE) to pen a new book called The Mommy Diet, a guide to looking and feeling fantastic before and during pregnancy, and after giving birth. Sween-tastic stole the idea from me. I’m so suing.

• My imaginary lover — and fellow Canuck — Victor Webster (ex-Nicky) has been cast on the updated version of Melrose Place. According to After Elton.com, Webster will play Caleb, a gay PR exec, who will grace the screen in the second episode. 

• My future wife Louise Sorel (Vivian) tells Soap Digest that she was in the hospital room when Crystal Chappell gave birth to her first child! “I adore her and Michael [Sabatino, Lawrence.]” Get in line, bitch.

• Sorry, James Scott (EJ): despite your attempts, I will not divorce Tricia Cast (Nina, Y&R) for you. It’s tempting, I admit … In story 411, EJ admits he still loves Sami and Ciara is kidnapped.

Daytimeconfidential.com, iTunes — Luke Kerr is my hero!
• Those silly gooses at DC.com recorded two more kick-ass podcasts here and here. Memo to Jamey and Jillian: give Luke a break!

General Hospital, CTV/ABC — Hillary Clinton out! • Sadly, my darling Martha Byrne (Andrea) will be leaving GH. The Emmy winner will be finishing up her GH run in two weeks. Start mourning now. • In story 411, Maxie says yes to Spinelli’s proposal. If Bradford Anderson (Spinelli) and Kirsten Storms (Maxie) win Emmys on Aug. 30, expect the super-couple to dominate the show. Yes, I said super-couple. On this show, anything that resembles life is super. • Jamey Giddens will be happy: Soap Opera Digest has learned that ABC has just released a casting call for the role of Sam McCall, which has been played by Kelly Monaco since 2003. She is described as “early ‘30s, female, Caucasian, brunette, sexy, dynamic and fiery ... series regular; this is a character who has been established on the show.”

• Memo to Gina Tognoni (Dinah): your breathtaking wedding dress is stunning. That picture of your veil flowing in the wind is a work of art. Congrats. Now do us all a favour — and yourself — and sign with Y&R, lover! If you don’t, I’m siccing Tom Pelphrey on your ass.

• This just in: Frank Dicopoulos (Frank) is now moving to L.A. so he can star on AMC. I’m just teasing him —I really like Frank a lot.

Imaginary Bitches, imaginarybitches.com — Miller’s Landing
• My straight husband, Toronto’s Andrew Miller, won for best writing at the 4th Annual Independent Television Festival. Weirdly, he forgot to thank Chuck Pratt Jr. in his speech. Check out Miss Eden and her sane friends:

One Life To Live, A/ABC — The Kish heard around the world!
• Otalia who? Wow. Wow. Wow. Did you catch the sex-tastic kiss between Fish and Kyle yesterday? Thank you, One Life! Unlike Y&R, GL and World Turns, you did not screw this up, Ron, Frank and Brian. For this amazing bravery, I will not write one bad word about One Life for the rest of the year. But don’t hold me to that! Seriously, Brett Claywell (Kyle) is fast becoming one of the most inspiring actors in soaps. I know the former One Tree Hill actor initially had issues and concerns with this story, but to see his evolution throughout this storyline should be a textbook example on how challenging oneself can only equal success. I’m so proud of Brett — he’s simply the man to watch on this show. Sorry, Trevor St. John (Todd); Claywell can stalk me anytime. I wouldn’t be surprised if Claywell is nominated for an Emmy Award next year. And kudos are also in store for Scott Evans (Fish) who is nailing Oliver’s struggle with self-love. The fact that Evans is an out-and-proud actor adds another deeper layer to this story that is simply fascinating to watch.  Evans and Claywell are not only stealing the show, but the entire industry. I’m calling it now: they’re a super-couple in the making. Memo to Brian Frons: don’t cancel the wrong soap. If you missed the Kish heard around the world (and it didn’t stop turning), revisit the most beautiful gay kiss I’ve ever seen on daytime here. Sorry, Kristen Dunst and Tobey Maguire!

• Grey-ish Gardens? Memo to head writer Ron Carlivati: I love you. All is forgiven. Your show is perfection again. Don’t screw it up. Or allow anyone else to screw with my dear, darling Llanview. Our Llanview. If One Life is going to be cancelled, then let’s go out with a bang, dude.

• My dear friend, La Robin Strasser has re-signed, as Suds Report revealed in an updated version on Wednesday. The Emmy winner tells The Suds Report that her decision was a no-brainer. She offers: “My decision came as a result of the work I’ve been doing on myself, with the support of people a whole lot wiser than I am. I confronted my useless resentment and sense of ‘fairness,’ and changed my attitude. I love what I do!”

Big Edie continues, “I was literally in pain [over] the thought of walking away from my loyal fans/friends, possibly letting down my TV family by bolting ... and in taking my own inventory, I was not comfortable with the fact that issues of money were about to kill my joy. I believe we all have more than one life to live — but that’s just my belief. Not sure if I’m an old or new soul. But after 45 years, I am rightly on my knees and lighting candles. I am still a working professional actor, and I am grateful by all I am blessed with. On a lighter note: Ron Carlivati tells Frank Valentini he wants to do [an homage to] Grey Gardens with Blair imagining she’s aged into Little Edie Beale, and Dorian is (as usual) Big Edie! From an inspired imagining, to a high-end produced realization, I got to sing tea for two — and ‘act’ like I sing better than Kassie De Paiva ... now that takes acting.”

The real reason Strasser re-signed with One Life? Well, other than my relentless threats? She credits her bosses. “I love and respect head writer Ron Carlivati and executive producer Frank Valeninti so much,” she says emotionally. “Of course, having known them since they were youngsters when they were just starting out, I can take some credit for influencing their deserved rise to the heights their careers have gone. Ha! Of course, I’m joking. Or am I? It is still all about moi, right?”

Finally, the love of my life says, “who could walk away from the chance to keep working it, and working it so well, with Valentini and Carlivati? I’m stubborn, but not stupid. I decided to say yes — for all of us!”

Thank you, Robin. Even though you deserve to be paid what you are worth. But then again, there isn’t a number out there that can determine that.

• When The Suds Report asked One Life’s sexiest man, Frank Valentini if he had a comment regarding his studio move and HD conversion, the executive producer issued a “no comment.” Hmmm …
 
• One Life’s casting director is making me happy again: Two of my favourite TV actors, Weeds’ Tonye Patano and The Wire’s Frankie Faison will play Phylicia and Richard Evans, Destiny’s parents. They debut on Sept. 10. Who said One Life wasn’t diverse? Take that, Y&R!

Welovesoaps.net — Newcomb should be La Lucci’s agent!
• If Susan Lucci doesn’t agree to join AMC in L.A., the King of Soaps, Roger Newcomb, has the most brilliant idea: bring Erica Kane to Llanview! That’d save One Life!

The Young and the Restless, Global/CBS — Kristoff sounds off!
• Emmy winner Kristoff St. John (Neil) gave a fantastic interview recently to my pal, NaVel at BuzzWorthyRadio.net. He said, “I really enjoyed the Lynn Marie Latham year and a half that she was there. Never did I work more. We were starting to get back to the roots of my character and my family. One thing that’s missing in the Winters family is the clan itself, and black culture. Lynn and I talked about that for quite some time. Let’s put some church into it, some God, not too much, we don’t want to ram it down anyone’s throat, but you want to get something there. We need to be on par with the Newmans and Abbotts.”

He added, “If you look at the storyline on our show with Adam and Rafe, that whole thing petered out and turned out to be such a crock. And forgive me for going there with it, but if you’re going to do a gay storyline on the show, then do something topical and current. And what could be more topical than Proposition 8 in California and doing a same-sex marriage thing? You don’t have to go there with that character whose going through so many things — being blind, screwing over Victor, doing the thing with Mary Jane, the baby with Ashley — man, come on. Don’t cheat the audience out of a really hot, good storyline that would reflect what is actually happening out there in our world and in our nation. That’s the kind of stuff that bugs me. Maybe Hogan Sheffer wants to write comical stuff with chipmunks and all that. If I get my head handed to me on a platter for saying this, then so be it. We need to get more family-oriented, get back to the old-school stuff, what originally made this show what it is before I got there.”

Because Y&R has been ardous to watch lately, only because I love it so, I have been really behind on life in Genoa City — and I owe Mr. St. John a rave when Neil told Lily she couldn’t have any more non-black babies. In those brief, heartbreaking scenes, Kristoff proved he is daytime’s version of Denzel Washington — and why he has two Emmys on the hood of his car! Too bad Y&R doesn’t see that.

• Canada’s top soap, Y&R, has been renewed for two years!

• The Newman we exclusively revealed who would die was Zapato. Eric Braeden destroyed me when Victor called his dear friend, “baby,” as he faded away. I had to cuddle with my beautiful dog, Kayla, for a few hours after that. Bravo, Y&R! No one does death like Maria Arena Bell. And it’s fact: nothing that hack Lynn Marie Latham created is safe on this show! Nothing! Bell will even kill a helpless dog! Yikes.

• Sorry, Tricia Cast (Nina): I’m proposing marriage to Jess Walton (Jill). Thanks to all the sexy bitches on Y&R, I now find myself converting into a Mormon (don't get any ideas, Ellen Wheeler) because there are too many wives, so little marriage licences (I’m coming after you Liz Hendrickson, too). Back to La Walton: is she on fire or what? And the Emmy winner has never looked hotter. While I’m at it, here’s a well-deserved shout-out to Peter Bergman for making me believe in Jack again.

• Congrats to my Cabbagetown neighbour, Tonya Lee Williams (Prop number 345), who just signed with one of Canada’s best shows, The Border! Work it, girl! See, sometimes being on recurring status is a good thing!

SOAP OPERA MYSTERY HOUR: This week’s hottest blind items
—Which Emmy-winning diva refuses to congratulate her co-star on her historic nomination?

—Which iconic daytime character was about to revealed to be a lesbian but the network nixed the idea? Too bad — it would have made A LOT of sense!

—Which head writer is painfully sensitive when people criticize his stories?

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Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.