The Suds Report - June 5/09

SUDSIEST QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“Aaron [Spelling] just liked the vixen in me.”
—Jamie “Turbo” Luner (Liza 2.0, AMC) to Soap Opera Digest on being typecast as the bitch
Translation: This one-trick pony is bringing slutty back to daytime.

“We have such amazing characters.”
—GL executive producer Ellen Wheeler to Soaps in Depth on wrapping up each character’s story for the show’s finale on Sept. 18
Translation: I’m just figuring that out now.

“Wow. I love when people are writing the show for us. It saves us so much time.”
—ATWT’s head hack Jean Passanante to Soaps In Depth
Translation: Someone has to because we have no idea what the freak we’re doing.

“I think Maria [Arena Bell] and Paul [Rauch] and the writers know what they’re doing...”
—Chris Engen (Adam, Y&R) to Soaps “We steal online news and claim it as our own” In Depth
Translation: This interview is really old; and/or Engen can’t be trusted when he speaks publicly.

SOAP OBIT
Irna Phillips’ daughter dead at 65
Another one bites the dust: Soap creator Irna Phillips’ daughter, Katherine Phillips Hughes, has passed away at 65. Phillips followed in her mother’s footsteps by creating the short-lived ABC soap opera, A World Apart, an autobiographical show about her relationship with her sudsy mother. According to Variety, at the time of her death Phillips Hughes was developing music and reality TV projects in southern California. Hopefully, Phillips’ Irna memorabilia will be donated to a museum or to The Paley Centre.

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Cabins now on sale
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NEWSSTAND DRAMA
Why do soap magazines "steal" exclusive news stories from the online world?
Someone call the soap police because there's a robbery in progress. The magazine world is currently taking credit for the following hot news stories: Chris Engen quits Y&R; Sean Kanan back on Y&R; Tuc Watkins returns to One Life; Melody Thomas Scott in Y&R contract dispute.

Memo to Soaps In Depth, Soap Opera Weekly, and Soap Opera Digest: TVGuide.ca and daytimeconfidential.com broke the aforementioned news stories, not you thieves. Do you think giving TVGuide.ca and Daytime Confidential credit for our reporting will decrease your sales? Don’t you have faith in your product? We credit everyone — and our numbers aren't suffering; in fact, they continue to prosper. Also, by the way, Soaps In Depth — TVGuide.ca is NOT an online blog. [Editor's note: True that.]

All My Children, A/ABC — Stause re-signs again! • Chrishell Stause (Amanda) tweeted on her Twitter page that she’s re-signed with AMC yet again. The popular starlet has extended her run until the end of the year. • My brain hurts trying to imagine how head hack Chuck Pratt Jr. comes up his benign stories, so I’m going to quote Soap Opera Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey on her thoughts on what’s wrong with Stuart’s oh-so-contrived murder mystery: “If that was Stuart who got shot, why did the voiceover when he died feature all the people threatening Adam, and then have Adam say, ‘I must die for all I’ve done to all of you?’ At the moment of Stuart’s death he saw moments of Adam’s life he wasn’t even present for? Wow, they were close. Maybe Anna couldn’t return [to GH] because she is on her way to Pine Valley to arrest her ex-husband David for murdering Stuart. In fact, I think I see her walking in Adam's front door waving a sub-machine gun now.” What she said.

• Which star tells The Suds Report he hopes ATWT is cancelled in 2010? “We all need to move on with our lives and careers,” he said. “This show is not going to improve or shoot up in the ratings under this management. I’d kill to get out of my contract.” I have a feeling he’ll get his wish.

The Bold and the Beautiful, CTV/CBS — Bridget and Nick remarry! • What’s it like writing for Susan Flannery (Stephanie, B&B)? Martha Byrne (Andrea, GH) tells The Suds Report, “That’s a soap writer’s dream — to write for someone of Susan’s immense talents. She’s the best. I got to do everything I wanted to do on B&B by writing comedy for Jack Wagner and Lesley-Anne Down [Nick and Jackie], and dramatic moments for Stephanie and the Forresters.” • Does anyone on this show ever enjoy a long engagement? According to readingeagle.com, those morons Bridget and Nick become engaged for the umpteenth time on the June 15 episode, and will tie the knot for the third time on June 24 and 25. And they’ll divorce during November sweeps.

• Poor Devin Owens. The Soap Opera Digest reporter had to interview Kyle Lowder (Rick), Jackie MacInnes Wood (Steffy) and Texas Battle (Marcus) for a feature on the soap’s “hot” love triangle. Geez — I’d rather have sex with Barbara Bloom than deal with this mess. Did he lose a bet or something? Meanwhile, Lowder tells Soaps In Death that his Talk Soup fame has benefited the show. “If anything, I’m sure it’s made people curious to see what B&B is all about, so I can’t complain. It’s been a great vehicle.” Yep, which is why B&B’s ratings keep sinking.

• My new favourite B&B couple are Nick and Owen. I adore how Owen taunts Nick the Dick with his May-December romance with his mother, Jackie. I wish a scribe would pen this line for Owen: “I make your mother ecsta-dick, Nick,” as he grabs his crotch. Can you tell that I despise Nick Marone?

Days of our Lives, Global/NBC — Grace dies!
• Have you noticed that DAYS is the only soap who hasn’t changed its opening to include the faces of its characters and/or actors? Me likes. It’s such a classic opening. And it’s funny because when you think about it, the late, great MacDonald Carey (ex-Tomacita) has more lines than the other two vets on this show.

• Alison Sweeney (Sami) wants an Emmy Award bad: This week, The Biggest Loser host may just become a big winner next year when Sami’s “baby,” Grace, dies. Confession time: I think this is a brilliant plot twist which will no doubt bring the canvas together; Nicole’s baby switch comes to the forefront; re-ignite EJ and Sami as a couple; and provide some killer performances from this great cast. My only issue is that I kind of wished that one of Sami’s other children would die. To burden your young leading lady with a million babies isn’t a smart decision. Sami is a few kids short of becoming soaps’ octo-mom.

• Wesley Eure (ex-Mike) alleges on afterelton.com that he was fired for being a friend of Cher’s in the 1970s.

• Just when you thought we had gotten rid of that baby killer, Chelsea, comes word that Daytime Emmy-nominated actress Rachel Melvin is back on June 10 to entice Max to move with her to London. Hmmm… Chelsea is back in town and baby Grace dies. Coincidence?

Daytimeconfidential.com, iTunes — Red Carpet Diary • From editorial director Jamey Giddens’ desk: Mallory is back! That's right, the soaptastic heroine of Likely Story and All That Glitters returns in Red Carpet Riot, on sale June 9. The Likely Story series is written by David Van Etten, a.k.a. the three-man, teen-writing trio of David Levithan (writer, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, with Rachel Cohn), David Ozanich (playwright and SOAPnet blogger) and Chris Van Etten (writer, One Life to Live). Pick up your copy, soapers, and click here to hear more about the novel’s plot.

• Let’s all tune into General Hospital on June 18 to support Martha Byrne’s debut as Andrea Floyd. If you missed my interview with the two-time Emmy winner, click here for an exclusive preview on her new character. Byrne promises Andrea will shake up Port Charles, and echoing Soaps In Depth’s favourite cover line: “GH will never be the same again!”

• Emmy winner Sarah Brown tells The Suds Report she’s having a blast with her new storyline opposite Drew Garrett (Michael), but she’d kill to work opposite Nathan Parsons (Ethan). Seriously, is this man hung like a horse or something? OK, Parsons has slightly improved in the acting department, but that’s no surprise considering his co-stars are Tony Geary-Parsons (Luke) and Jane Elliot (Tracy). As for Brown, she reveals that GH just gets better and better this summer, so tune in. Yeah, I’ll be the judge of that, sistah!

• Is this Dante? Some guy named Dominic Zamprogna joins the cast as Dominic, who's hired by Claudia to aid in her deflowering Michael. Oh, I kid.

Guiding Light, Global/CBS — Gina Tognoni signs with One Life? • Last week’s blind item revealed: Sources close to Gina Tognoni say that the Emmy winner is thisclose to signing a contract with One Life to return as Kelly Cramer Buchanan. “She turned down two offers from CBS soaps,” says an insider. The buzz is the other two soaps were Y&R and B&B. Is this a bad move on Tognoni’s part considering One Life may not be on the air in three years? “No, she wants to stay in New York with her new husband,” continues the mole. Look for the actress on the ABC soap sometime later this fall if all goes according to plan. • So whose decision was it to shove the GL rally out of camera view on The Early Show? Several CBS sources tell The Suds Report that it was a producer’s decision since they were discussing “a serious social issue and fans campaigning for a soap’s survival didn’t seem appropriate.” An insider suggests the next time there is a rally, organizers should call The Early Show to find out which day is best to protest.

• Wow — Beth Ann Bonner (Natasha) is the only actor on this soap, other than Marcy Rylan (Lizzie), who actually looks better on GL’s production model.

• Tony Awards update: Proving 2009 isn’t GL’s year, Ron Raines’ (Alan) performance at the Broadway kudofest has been cut this Sunday.

• What the hell happened to Emmy winner Montel Williams as Clayton Boudreau? The hair model playing him now looks like he’s reading his lines off cue cards!

Imaginary Bitches, imaginarybitches.com — Write an imaginary speech for real!
• According to AMC’s head hack Chuck Pratt Jr, poor Eden Riegel (ex-Bianca) can’t write, so the Emmy winner is asking fans to help pen her Webby acceptant speech here.

One Life To Live, A/ABC — CTV cancels One Life!
• Sign of things to come? Come this September, Canadian fans will have to tune into their ABC affiliates to get their rapemance fix. CTVglobemedia announced earlier this week that it has cancelled One Life, and will be replacing it with reruns of ER. Moreover, CTV has moved GH over to A at 3 p.m., but will keep B&B on the main network. AMC will remain on A at 1 p.m.

Scott Henderson, CTV’s director of publicity, tells The Suds Report, “With respect to One Life to Live, unfortunately we were unable to find a spot for it on our schedule and did not renew [our licencing contract with ABC]. With Dr. Oz joining CTV, GH moves to A, partnered with Ellen, to reinforce a strong afternoon lineup.” Question: if they couldn’t find room for One Life, then why did they replace it with ER?

The future of Soaps Up!, the brilliant daytime entertainment show that airs between AMC and One Life, is also in question, so start writing into A and CTV to demand that Amanda Wilson stay on the daytime airwaves.

• Memo to GL directors and producers: I hope you all tuned into watch One Life’s outdoor scenes this past week. That’s how it’s done, kids.

• Who else stood up from their couch and screamed, “Me! Me! Me! I’ll do it!” when that fiasco, Stacy, asked Stan to punch her in the face? And I would have taken a few takes, too, just to get the shot right, you know. I’m a perfectionist. Can we recast Stacy with Justis Bolding? Yep, that’s how much I despise Crystal Hunt’s performance. I blame Stacy and Stacy only for One Life's recent ratings woes. Kill the bitch.

• Check out Erin Torpey’s (the real Jessica) wedding pictures. Congrats, my love.

• The more things change, the more they stay the same: According to Daytimeconfidential.com (sorry, Soap Opera Digest — you didn’t break that news, you news thieves!), my imaginary lover, Tuc Watkins (David) is headed back to Llanview this summer. Hurray! File this under interesting gossip: Soaps Up! recently reported that One Life will be creating a reality TV show within the soap titled, The Real Ladies of Llanview, which will somehow involve La Vickers.  Very Fraternity Row if you ask me.

The Young and the Restless, Global/CBS — MTS written out!
• This past week, Eileen Davidson’s new book, Dial Emmy For Murder was released. Considering the dumb-ass 2009 Emmy nominations, this book couldn't have been released at a better time. I have a feeling there will be lots of blood at this year's ceremony. Joking, people. Or am I?

• Once again, Melody Thomas Scott (Nikki) proves she’s her own worst enemy. As we exclusively reported a few weeks ago in Nelson Ratings, Scott refused to take a pay cut, or drop to recurring status, which is what the soap was offering.

While Maria Arena Bell and Paul Rauch hoped that the former hair model would re-sign with the sudser, insiders inform The Suds Report the two parties have hit a stalemate in contract negotiations. In fact, the soap has written out the character already because the show is writing story past her contract expiration date. However, at press time, Y&R has decided not to recast the role in case Scott comes to her senses. Ironically, MTS celebrated her 30th anniversary with the No. 1 sudser this year.

A former co-star tells The Suds Report that, “Mel thought she ran that show for years because her hubby, Ed [Scott], was the producer. Well, times have changed, and actors do not run that show anymore. She’s nuts if she thinks another soap can afford her. Mel is so tied to Nikki that she won’t get another soap gig, especially in these tough economic times.”

This isn’t the first time MTS has left the series over a contract dispute. The Emmy-nominated star bolted a few years back, but predictably returned a few months later.

“I’m not sure if Mel and Ed can afford not to be working right now,” says a friend close to MTS. “She really thought she was exempt from these pay cuts.”

As an aside, I don’t want to be the person who has to tell Eric Braeden (Victor), whose contract is up at the end of the year, he has to take a pay cut. Good luck with that, Y&R!

• Do not miss today’s Y&R, soap bitches. It’s a doozy. Emmy winner Tom Casiello wrote a kick-ass episode that promises to change Y&R forever. Next week, Ashley miscarries her baby, thanks to Adam's gaslighting. Hmmm... isn't it suspect that playing a baby killer didn't prompt Chris Engen to quit his role the week they filmed that scene?

• Correction: Thom Bierdz (Phillip) tells The Suds Report that he signed a six-month contract with the sudser, not a one-year deal, which he had previously stated to us. But the actor hopes to continue in the role as long as Y&R will have him.

SOAP OPERA MYSTERY HOUR: This week’s hottest blind items
Two major stars return to reclaim what is rightfully theirs!
—Which soap icon, last seen on daytime seven years ago, is secretly taping his/her return on an east-coast soap?

— Which daytime favorite is coming back to the show he/she left close to 15 years ago for a juicy summer story?

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Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.