SUDSIEST QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“I love money. I don’t love spending money, but I love being in charge and counting and sorting money, so I would love to be Treasurer. But really, I’d like to be running the whole show.”
—Molly Burnett (Melanie, DAYS) on what cabinet position she’d like to fill in Soap Opera Digest
Translation: Like I am on DAYS.

“Nora, that warms me inside. I only hope one day that I can warm you inside. Namaste.”
—OLTL’s David Vickeroshi to Nora Gannen-Buchanan
Translation: Neliroshi Branco didn’t mind. In fact, he couldn’t get enough of my warmth.

AWARD SHOW CENTRAL
The 2009 NAACP Awards
Oh, the horrors! The NAACP has announced the nominees for its 40th annual Image Awards — which will air on Fox on Feb. 12 — and it’s not a pretty image, kids:

Actor in a Daytime Drama Series
Bryton McClure (Devon, Y&R)
Cornelius Smith, Jr. (Frankie, AMC)
Dan Martin (Lt. Baker, B&B)
Montel Williams (Clayton, GL)
Texas Battle (Marcus, B&B)
Who Should Win: Smith is a big find!
Who Will Win: Williams
Most Glaring Omission: Darnell Williams (Jesse, AMC)

Actress in a Daytime Drama Series
Christel Khalil (Lily, Y&R)
Debbi Morgan (Angie, AMC)
Eva Marcille (Tyra, Y&R)
Nia Peeples (Karen, Y&R)
Tonya Lee Williams (Olivia, Y&R)
Who Should Win: The only real actress in the bunch, Ms. Morgan.
Who Will Win: Morgan, but don’t count out Marcille. The newcomer is getting a lot of buzz right now. Also, the NAACP may feel sorry for Peeples and award her some hardware.
Most Glaring Omission: Vail Bloom (Heather, Y&R). Oh, I’m joking. Renee Jones (Lexie, DAYS)

DAYTIME EMMYS UPDATE:
According to NATAS’ rep Brent Stanton, there’s “nothing new” to report on the possibility of another network airing the 2009 Daytime Emmy Awards. Pre-nominee results will be announced to each series on Feb. 23. Here's a rundown on what has changed for this year’s Daytime Emmys.

* Drama performers undergo a preliminary “in-studio” ballot beginning on Feb. 2. This is conducted by each drama show and determines two “pre-nominees” from each of the six performer categories from each show, who advance to the Blue Ribbon screening round.

* Original song categories have been restructured. There are now three original song categories:
1) Original Song Drama
2) Original Song Children’s/Animated
3) Original Song Main Title and Promo

* The newly modified Main Title and Graphic Design category now includes all onscreen graphics that may include both the main title and graphics contained in the body of a show.

* New Culinary program category honouring programs that contain at least 50 per cent emphasis on the Culinary Arts.

RATINGS WAR:
Nielsen Ratings for Dec. 22-26, 2008

Total Viewers Versus Previous Week Versus Last Year
Y&R 5,254,000 +30,000 -498,000
B&B 3,568,000 -257,000 -308,000
DAYS 3,007,000 +199,000 +57,000
GH 2,955,000 +155,000 -82,000
OLTL 2,769,000 +85,000 -10,000
AMC 2,732,000 +42,000 -103,000
ATWT 2,686,000 -218,000 -376,000
GL 2,057,000 -119,000 -526,000

The good news: DAYS is the only soap this past year to gain viewers; OLTL only lost 10,000 fans from 2008.
The bad news: The entire CBS lineup is scaring away almost half a million viewers each (though you can’t blame Y&R’s Maria Arena Bell for the ratings mess Lynn Marie Latham left in her wake).

WHO’S KEEPING COUNT?
Soap Opera Network announces The Air Hog Awards
Guess who clocked in the most screen time in ‘08? Katherine Kelly Lang (Brooke, B&B) and Steve Burton (Jason, GH)! Check out the intriguing list.

ROCK THE SOAP
Will Kelly Monaco pole-dance while she cruises the high seas?

• Everyone’s favourite former Bachelor, Bob Guiney, is hosting SOAPnet’s Rock The Soap Cruise this spring. Make sure to book now for the best deals. Guiney tells the Suds Report exclusively that, “fans can put down payments down for now, instead of paying it all at once over a three-month period.” Along with fun in the sun, fans can expect Thorsten Kaye’s (Zach) book release, Aiden Turner (Aidan) DJ-ing party, and a beach bash in Mexico with all the stars. Bobbie Eakes (Krystal) and Constantine Maroulis (ex-Constantine, B&B) will be staging concerts throughout the three-day trip from Mar. 20-23.

If that isn’t enough to sell your first unborn child, Emmy winner Michael E. Knight is hosting a casting call. Plus, Kelly Monaco (Sam, GH) will be unveiling her Las Vegas strip act. Better yet, Van Hansis (Luke, ATWT) and Jake Silbermann (Noah, ATWT) will be fighting it out with Elizabeth Hendrickson (Chloe, Y&R; ex-Maggie, AMC) and Eden Riegel (Binks) for the title of hottest gay soap super-couple. There will also be a silent auction with proceeds benefiting charity. Guiney wants everyone to know there’s a “refer-a-friend” program, which allows everyone involved to save cashola. And that’ll be me walking around in Cameron Mathison’s thong, so come on the Soap Titanic, friends. If we’re going down, let’s get really down.

All My Children, A/ABC — Was AMC almost cancelled two years ago, too?
• Check your favourite ABC stars singing to two infectious songs here and here.

• Looks like AMC almost came close to being cancelled in 2007 and 2008. “ABC wanted to replace AMC with its timeslot competitor, DAYS had NBC and Sony not renewed the show,” says one insider. “When DAYS was renewed, ABC brought back Debbi Morgan and Darnell Williams instead, in an effort to save AMC.”

• Sorry, Pete: Don’t expect your onery father, Palmer, to pop up in Melrose Valley anytime soon. James Mitchell is spending the winter in his L.A. home, and has no plans to return to New York until spring.

As The World Turns, Global/CBS — Breaking the Lau
• Kudos are in order for Elizabeth Hubbard (Lucinda) and Laurence Lau (Brian) for their spectacular acting efforts during the Brian-is-bisexual reveal. I’m going to miss Lau, who tells Soap Opera Digest this week that Brian may come back to Oakdale down the road. Knowing recast-happy ATWT, they’ll probably cast Wayne Northrop in the role.

Fans should expect Luke to still be a bad boy. Van Hansis (Luke) teases Soap Opera Weekly with this story nugget: “Luke has definitely turned over a new leaf. He continues to be up to no good, but not in a terribly destructive way anymore.” Hopefully, Luke turns into a slut and gets laid. A lot.

• What the hell happened to Billy Magnussen’s (Casey) hair? Yikes.

• This week, Kevin Collins asks Carly Snyder to marry him. Where’s Lynn Herring (ex-Lucy, GH/PC) when you need her?

The Bold and the Beautiful, CTV/CBS — DC: “This show is an “f’n mess!”
• Not again! Poor Daytimeconfidential.com’s Mike Jubinville is going to be broke if founder Luke Kerr implements a swear jar after this website’s hilarious CBS podcast. On Jan. 15, Ridge is involved in a car accident! And the driver is no stranger. Check out Mike’s tour-de-force performance on DC. It’s not to be missed.

• Looks like 2009 is Ashley Jones’ (Bridget) year. In addition to producing and starring in two Lifetime MOWs in 2008, Jones tells TV Guide’s Michael Logan that she negotiated a non-nudity clause for her upcoming six-episode appearance on the HBO vampire opera, True Blood. In B&B news, the actress confirms to Logan that a pairing between Bridget and Owen (Brandon Beemer) is already in the can — and that she has no plans to leave B&B.

Days of our Lives, Global/NBC — John and Marlena wed! Plus: Deidre Hall on her firing
• Looks like that ratings spike Daytimeconfidential.com predicted did happen. DAYS is now the third most-watched soap boasting three million viewers. We’ll have to see if fans bolt after Jan. 23 — Deidre Hall (Marlena) and Drake Hogestyn’s (John) last airdate.

• Speaking of Hall, the superstar has finally spoken out on her DAYS dismissal on her website in a revealing video post.

Hall confirms her character has been “retired,” and that her firing is not a publicity rouse. The beautiful and talented actress reports that John and Marlena will wed before departing town. As for future employment, Hall says, “I’m not sure if there is a daytime to be had [anymore]. I have some things going on, though.”

• Need a reason to smile and laugh? Welovesoaps.com posted a video tribute to executive producer Ken Corday. Trust me, you’ll want to check it out.
 
General Hospital, CTV/ABC — Monavie-Gate: ABC News slams the health claims of the Acai Berry
• Steve Burton, who? GH fans have spoken and their pick for Sexiest Man Alive 2009? Bradford Anderson (Spinelli) clicked in second place in our reader poll with 35 per cent of the vote. ATWT’s Jake Silbermann (Noah) nabbed 41 per cent of the tally. Next week, TVGuide.ca reveals our Sexiest Man for 2009.

• Where in the world is Carolyn Hennesy (Diane)?

• Monavie-Gate update: Read this ABC News story on the lack of health benefits of the acai berry. Ironic that the alphabet network investigated this news story — since their biggest star Steve Burton has been a Monavie Black distributor, along with a handful of his co-stars. The report reveals:

The bureau released a statement today warning consumers to be wary of online sales offers for acai berry-related weight-loss products, saying the marketing of these products is often misleading. The bureau said it has received “thousands” of complaints from consumers about online sales of acai berry products.

In a scheme called “negative option” advertising, dozens of companies nationwide offer “free” trials of acai diet products, claiming endorsements from Oprah Winfrey, Rachael Ray and others, but then charge month after month unless the consumer cancels the order, according to the bureau.

“BBB [the Better Business Bureau] can’t speak to the restorative or weight- loss properties of acai-based products, but we are taking companies to task for their misleading sales and marketing practices,” bureau spokesman Steve Cox said in a statement.

“Many businesses across the country are using the same selling model for their acai products: They lure customers in with celebrity endorsements and free trial offers, and then lock them in by making it extremely difficult to cancel the automatic delivery of more acai products every month,” he said in the release.

In the comment section of the news article, a soap fan exposed all the GH actors involved in this pyramid scheme with website links, but ABC later yanked it. Luckily, TVGuide.ca read the letter before it was deleted — and we’re happy to reprint the most interesting part of the letter:

“I have to wonder if ABC will ever clean up its own house. Interestingly enough, Tropicana used to be a sponsor of General Hospital, until three separate episodes were aired featuring Mr. Burton and Mr. Anderson extolling the virtues of the Brazilian Juice containing 18 fruits and how they would cure whatever ails you. GH actually had a story arc about this juice. I wonder if there are regrets about losing a sponsor in the current economic climate?”

Good question.

Guiding Light, Global/CBS — Will GL be cancelled in April? Zimmer out?
• Nuke, who? I’m obsessed with the “non-romantic” Olivia and Natalia pairing. Here’s a big thank you to Roger Newcomb for posting daily Otalia clips on the must-read soap website, welovesoaps.com. Since I took GL off my DVR, now I can enjoy the best the show has to offer without dealing with the rest of the crap on the show (soap mags were made for keeping up with the soaps without having to watch). Good thing, too, because Jessica Leccia (Natalia) is on fire, these days. If you ask me, that little girl playing Emma is the next Hayden Panettiere (ex-Lizzie). And don’t even get me started on the magnificent Crystal Chappell (Olivia), 2008’s Sexiest Woman Alive. I wish whoever was writing the Otalia storyline would write the rest of the show. And ATWT.

• According to daytimeconfidential.com’s GL expert, Melodie Aikels, GL has until April to survive. If last year’s worst soap can somehow sustain a 1.8 rating, Peapack, N.J.’s favourite show will be renewed. The embattled soap usually earns 1.4-1.6 ratings, so it needs another 200,000 viewers to stay on the air. This rumour explains why GL has been pulling out all the stops, and finally listening to its fan complaints. The question is: Is it too late?

Also, Soaps In Depth is reporting that Kim Zimmer (Reva) is gearing up to negotiate her contract, which expires in June. Will she agree to a pay cut this time around? A GL rep tells the magazine, “[people] should be focusing on Phillip and Edmund’s returns instead.” Don’t you just love it when flacks tell you what to think? What is this — Big Brother?

• The show is interested in casting a big superstar as Reva’s sister, Roxy, report sources. Guess who? Also, don’t be surprised if GL also recasts Harley with an Emmy winner in a bid to make amends with fans. Is that why the show let go of four hair models recently? Co-head writer Jill Lorie Hurst tells Soap Opera Digest a couple of returns are in the works: “We’re focusing on our existing characters and perhaps another return or two.” Hmmm… how about firing the behind-the-scenes talent instead. Fixing a show must happen from the inside out, not the other way around, people. Haven’t these hacks learned anything from Y&R?

• Grant Aleksander (Phillip) must be in his early nineties, but the leading man never seems to age. In fact, has anyone — other than Katherine Kelly Lang (Brooke, B&B) — aged better than Aleksander? Here’s a promo heralding the Emmy-nominated star’s return on Feb. 9. The marketing campaign is actually more beautiful to look at than the show itself. Discuss. Also, although Feb. 9 marks Aleksander’s “big comeback,” the show fails to recognize the fact that Phillip has been back in Springfield a handful of times without the actor.
One Life to Live, A/ABC — Forget Monavie Juice — just watch OLTL to be healthy!
•  “I’m a very simple woman to please,” Dorian Branco said recently. “Only the best will do.” Loved it when Alex informed Dorian that she thought she hit a coyote with her car last fall (she actually hit La Cramer)! If I was a producer of a soap I would do everything in my power to steal these script writers, and the show’s set designer. And the head writer. And the cast. And the producer. Heck, I’d pillage the show from top to bottom. Except for the two hair models working on the show.

• Chris Evans’ brother, Scott (Officer Fish), is out and proud. The Fantastic Four star told The Advocate, “Yes, I do have a gay brother. I’m down with the gays. Mostly I’m hanging out with him and his gay buddies, who are hilarious. They’re the funniest people I know.” Layla’s one lucky chick.

• Broadway star Charlotte d'Amboise, who recently starred in Chicago, has been cast as vice principal Dickinson at Llanview High beginning Jan. 16. The actress appeared opposite Jason Tam (Markko) in A Chorus Line last year.

• Brian Frons should have turned Catherine Hickland’s (Lindsay) book, The 30-Day Heartbreak Cure into a SOAPnet series instead of buying Greg Behrendt’s Wake Up Call — a series ABC turned down. Just saying, but clearly, I don’t know anything about dismantling a soap network.

Turn to page 50 in this week’s Soap Opera Digest for a sexy picture of Hickland, who discuses her hot new book. It’s a must-read, people, especially for those heartbreakers out there. Thanks to Hickland, we’re no longer that fragile anymore. Wouldn’t it be funny if Lindsay was caught reading a copy in jail? Le sigh, I miss my Linds.

• How funny is it that David Vickeroshi is walking around in his Buddha outfit and sandals in the middle of winter? High-larious.

• LOL: SOS winner John Brotherton (Jared) is sporting yet another fierce hair cut! In my next life, I pray I am blessed with those fertile locks of his.

• Head writer Ron Carliroshi and his writing team’s title for Todd’s suicide attempt was genius: “It’s raining men!” Or rapists. It was almost as good as Todd’s courtroom eppy, which was aptly titled, “Hard of Hearing,” because Todd wouldn’t listen to his ex-wife and lawyer, Téa during his courtroom trial. Brills.

The Emmy winner tells Soap Opera Digest this week that the witty and pun-inspired titles will continue. Carliroshi says, “We had done the titles for a time awhile before they started showing up on the air. We did them for ourselves and then it was [executive producer] Frank Valentini’s idea to start showing them on the screen, which we loved. Of course, now that everyone sees them, it challenges us all the time to come up with good ones. Some are better than others, but I think the fans love them. And I like them.”

OLTL’s timeslot competitor, ATWT, should employ the strategy as well. They should start with this one first: “This show sucks ass; watch OLTL instead.”

• Someone needs to tell Layla and Sarah to replace the light bulb in their refrigerator. And speaking of light-bulb moments, this past week Layla had the nerve to actually refer to that dingbat Sarah as Tina’s “true” spawn, because the twit called the INS on Vanessa and Cristian. Um, if I recall correctly, Tina was never a tattletale. Tina’s problem was she was too good at keeping secrets, not exposing them. No wonder I broke up with Layla on our blind date a few weeks back. That, and the fact that she wouldn’t put out.

And, here’s a big thank you to Puddle of Mudd for hiring Sarah as their manager. I’m buying every CD of yours for the rest of my life. Finally, justice for all.

• Who else thinks that Lola killed her own mother? I have a feeling Lola is one naughty, naughty girl. She’s already making slutty advances at Markko, her cousin’s boyfriend. Camila Banus (Lola) has potential, but she needs to stop trying so hard. It shows. The newcomer needs an attentive director nearby 24/7.

Meanwhile, I’ve been busy helping Téa get Ray out of jail so he can return to Llanview and kill Vanessa. Thanks to Marty Saybrooke for the tip on how to murder someone while keeping your hands clean.

And memo to Florencia Lozano (Téaroshi): I love you in a dirty way down there.

• Duh! I totally forgot to mention the biggest similarity — and the genesis of my idea — between Y&R and OLTL in this week’s past Nelson Ratings regarding how similar the two shows actually are. Both Katherine and Viki are rich women who worked in diners and met their new loves there. Hmmm….I wonder if Maria Arena Bell watches OLTL.

Scripts & Scruples, iTunes — Mark Arnold returns
• Roger Newcomb gives The Suds Report this S&S exclusive: “Former Edge of Night, Santa Barbara and OLTL star Mark Arnold is back next week as Bobby’s father, when his secret affair with Anne Sayre’s Teri is revealed. Colleen Broomall, the original Dani on ATWT, has joined the cast as the up-to-no-good Kennedy Armbruster. She is working for the diabolical Tom who will be played by a soon-to-be-announced former soap fave,” he reports.

The Young and the Restless, Global/CBS — Shemar Moore cheats on me
• Tongues are wagging: Is Shemar Moore (ex-Malcolm) dating Jordin Sparks? The couple escorted each other to this past week’s 35th Annual People’s Choice Awards. 

• Fashion designer Shiva Rose, the former Mrs. Dylan McDermott, appears on Y&R on Jan. 21. Will she spill the baby beans regarding Billy and Chloe’s New York affair?

SOAP OPERA MYSTERY HOUR: This week’s hottest blind items
—Which Emmy winner is beginning to worry that their head writer is out to fire them because of a past alliance with a former scribe?

—Which show boasts more than a handful of gay hunks in its cast?

—Which Emmy winner wants off her show, STAT?

 

Want to dish the soaps with Nelson Branco? Join The Suds Report discussion group today on Facebook.com.

Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.