SUDS FLASHES:
Ins and Outs — Dustin Lance Black-style!
• Word is that One Life is recasting CJ Roberts — and he could be that gay role, Griffith, the sudser is currently casting.
• The Suds Report has learned that World Turns wants four GL actors to crossover to Oakdale — and yes, Gina Tognoni’s Dinah is one of them. How do I feel about this? Two words: Tom Eplin (ex-Jake, Another World/World Turns).
PICTURES OF THE WEEK:
A visual commentary on GH
VIDEO OF THE WEEK:
GL fans prepare to be more depressed!
Sept. 18 is just around the corner, which means Guiding Light fans are beginning the mourning process. Check out this sentimental fan video tribute to the oldest show in broadcast history:
REMOTE CONTROL: RATING THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY
>> FF:
ALL MY CHILDREN: The A Team
What did Aiden Turner ever do to head writer Chuck Pratt? Since joining the show in 2002, the sexy actor has had the worst luck trying to hold on to a suitable love interest. Aidan and Annie not only shared mucho chemistry, but their connection was also authentic; so it’s odd AMC broke them up in favour of a gross hook-up between Annie and Adam!
Fearless Summer Prediction: Gina Tognoni (Dinah, GL) joins AMC as a Greenlee recast and makes mincemeat out of Susan Lucci (Erica) in a sensational Greenlee/Ryan/Erica love triangle.
> PLAY:
AS THE WORLD TURNS: Nuke who?
It was a small moment, but how cool was it when Parker asked his male friend to be his date to the prom so he could get in to see Liberty? Clearly confident in his sexuality, Parker, who wasn’t permitted into the prom because he’s no longer a student, grabbed his pal’s hand without a hint of awkwardness and walked into the party as a couple. How progressive! Yes, it’s still possible — sometimes World Turns can surprise you.
Fearless Summer Prediction: Riley is revealed to be Adam, but is accidentally killed when Alison and Casey annoy him to death. Mason informs Noah and Luke that he hasn’t gotten over his ex-lover, Les.
> PLAY:
THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL: Valley of the Dolls
Who else suspects that Ridge’s new pill-popping storyline may be one of the show’s campiest storylines to date? And I mean that in a good way. With Phoebe dying, Rick dating Steffy, and Stephanie as his mother, I’m surprised Ridge hasn’t become addicted to drugs sooner. Let’s see how this all plays out, but so far, I’m addicted.
Fearless Summer Prediction: Brooke and Bill embark on a sizzling affair, but Whip and Katie vow to break up the fledgling couple. L.A. is shocked to learn that Owen is Ridge and Morgan’s son. Felicia and Thorne get their biggest storyline … off-screen.
<< REWIND:
DAYS OF OUR LIVES: The Mourning After
Now this is what I’m talking about: Galen Gering (Rafe) is the best leading man Alison Sweeney (Sami) has ever been paired with. Their organic romance reminds this viewer of the days when this soap was unrivaled when it came to love in the afternoon. When baby Grace died this past week, Gering and Sweeney delivered a stunning visceral and gut-wrenching performance that is rarely seen on this soap. Reducing me to tears (when was the last that happened on DAYS?), the fledgling super-couple proved that they are not only Emmy-worthy, but that good writing can save the world. James Scott (EJ) also deserves an honorable mention for his surprising work this past week as well. Kudos are also in order for the DAYS writing team, who have finally taken their heads out of their butts and begun writing good soap. Let’s see how long this lasts, but so far, I’m falling in love with DAYS again — just don’t tell anyone.
Fearless Summer Prediction: Melanie accidentally falls into a vat of acid. Chloe dumps Daniel and Lucas and rekindles her epic romance with Brady. Stefano and Victor wage a new battle for the heart of Caroline … and Maggie. Lexie sends that autistic kid off to boarding school, or the attic — either is fine by me. |
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>> FF:
GENERAL HOSPITAL: Killer Storyline
Anthony Geary (Luke) is out of control — and I’ve lost all respect for the Emmy winner. Yes, Geary is one of the most talented actors in the business, but it’s dangerous when an actor hijacks a storyline to satisfy his own personal agenda. The superstar’s recent comments justifying Luke cheating on Laura with his best friend’s wife simply amounts to career suicide. Not only does Geary’s selfish re-write negate his Emmy-winning performance over the last two decades, but it’s also a slap in the face to fans and the show’s history. If, in fact, what Geary asserts is true — that Luke could never be faithful to any woman — the “reformed” rapist I know would have had the balls to either not marry Laura, or at the very least, request an open marriage. Or use protection when he was sleeping around. Memo to Geary: I don’t trust your “expert” insights into the mind of a heterosexual criminal, who is seemingly sexually attracted to his son. There, I said it.
Fearless Summer Prediction: In an old-west stand-off, Jason and Sonny shoot each other dead before professing their love for each other. After the deadly showdown, Claudia names herself Port Charles’ top mobster.
> PLAY:
GUIDING LIGHT: Father does know best
How much do I love and respect Phillip for deciding not to take the rap for that selfish brat James’ crimes? For once, Phillip is proving that he’s not only a good parent, but he’s also nothing like his own dad, Alan. Also, memo to that stupid slut Beth: You have no business being a mother.
Fearless Summer Prediction: Show-killer Ellen Wheeler straps herself with a bomb to the doors of GL’s studios when she refuses to leave the premises after the soon-to-be-defunct sudser wraps up production. “I will save the world,” she screams in her best Vicky Hudson voice.
>> FF:
ONE LIFE TO LIVE: One Dumb Move After Another
Over the past year, One Life has consistently displayed bad judgment (Stacy Fiasco, Mendorra, the rapemance, firing Kathy Brier and Chris Stack), but letting soap superstar A Martinez (Ray) go is possibly its stupidest move to date. As Ray, the Emmy winner was finally getting his groove on opposite the best leading lady he’s ever worked with next to Marcy Walker (ex-Eden, Santa Barbara) — Dame Robin Strasser (Dorian). Ray and Dorian’s unexpected but undeniable chemistry could have given One Life something it doesn’t have on its canvas right now: a super-couple worth tuning in for. And with Tuc Watkins returning as David this summer, One Life could have boasted a breakout love triangle to boot. But why give the fans what they want, right? God forbid …
Fearless Summer Prediction: Fish and Kyle confess Stacy’s kisses turned them gay. It’s revealed that Todd Manning has DID, too. His other personality, Thad, is a promiscuous gay man who lusts after John and kills Stacy and Marty — and just like that, all is right with the world.
<< REWIND:
THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS: Presenting Stacy Haiduk …
— Y&R has a knack for taking former AMC actors and turning them into superstars. As Mary Jane, Stacy Haiduk has proven herself to be one of the most skilled and crazy-talented actresses on soaps. M-J could have easily become a cartoonish character, but under the capable hands of the very beautiful and sexy Haiduk, Patty Williams could possibly become the most multi-dimensional, root-able psycho in Genoa City history. In fact, I rewind several of her scenes to dissect and bask in the glory of her brilliant, awe-inspiring acting choices. Her line delivery, diction, and unparalleled ability to convey subtext without batting an eyelash is akin to watching a master class in acting. Her most astonishing accomplishment? Stealing scenes from the master, Michelle Stafford (Phyllis) — which is no easy feat. Finally, I’m so thrilled that head writer Maria Arena Bell chose to invest in a new warped mind by mining a past legacy character instead of resurrecting that mess Sheila Carter. Haiduk can stuff me anytime. The only glaring missing link in this story is Mary Williams. Where the hell is that self-righteous mother from hell? You just know she would not approve of Paul dating Nikki — or her dumb granddaughter, Heather’s choice in blind men.
— Hopefully you all didn’t miss another standout contribution by one of the best writers in soaps this past Friday: Mr. Tom Casiello. In his first Y&R script (he's best known for his breakdown prowess) — and hopefully not his last — the talented scribe penned these doozies: rhyming Jack Abbott with Black Rabbit; Chloe warning Delia she may have a handful of siblings by the end of the year thanks to her man-whore of a father; Michael suggesting to Phyllis they order in four bottles of wine and a slasher film to get her mind off of killing Nick; making Mac likable and real; Noah’s plea for emancipation; Phyllis stating that the local butcher could be the father of Sharon’s baby; and most importantly, on this increasingly misogynistic show, Casiello listened to and respected us fans by writing a spectacular show that empowered his female characters. Bravo, dude! Of course, soap writing is a collaborative effort so kudos are also in order for Natalie Minardi Slater, Paula Cwickly, Marla Kanelos, Jay Gibson and Amanda Beall. I wish I could be a fly on the wall during those writing meetings. Hey, Y&R: if you ever need an errand boy, call me up!
Fearless Summer Prediction: Clementine Ford walks out on her contract when Y&R scripts an on-screen kiss between Mac and Heather. Mary Jane kills Lily in a fit of rage — and preserves her body by stuffing her like her cat, Kitty. Zapato and the Chipmunk fall in love. Adam is named Genoa City’s top drag queen.
THE IDIOT RATINGS
One Life is ABC’s top soap! GL/ATWT sink to new depths!
Ratings for the week June 1-5, 2009
—Courtesy of Soap Opera Network
*TVGuide.ca values viewers of all shapes, colours, sexualities, and ages, which is why we print the total viewing audience tallies. Screw you, Madison Avenue! We’re not buying your bull anymore. And memo to soaps: perhaps you should start selling ad space that cater to older, gay, and black audiences. You know, the people who actually watch this garbage! These are desperate times — you can’t afford to turn away any revenue streams available.
(Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)
Total Viewers (Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)
1. Y&R 4,845,000 (-149,000/-17,000)
2. B&B 3,201,000 (-165,000/-479,000) *New low
3. DAYS 2,662,000 (-1,000/+268,000)
4. OLTL 2,555,000 (+153,000/-300,000)
5. GH 2,503,000 (+49,000/-422,000)
6. AMC 2,486,000 (+56,000/-215,000)
7. ATWT 2,251,000 (-229,000/-401,000) *New low
8. GL 1,853,000 (-169,000/-363,000 *New low
Household Rating (Compared to Last Week/Compared to Last Year)
1. Y&R 3.5/12 (-.1/same)
2. B&B 2.4/8 (same/-.2)
3. DAYS 2.0/7 (same/+.2)
4. GH 1.9/6 (same/-.4)
4. OLTL 1.9/6 (+.1/-.3)
6. AMC 1.8/6 (-.1/-.4)
7. ATWT 1.7/6 (-.2/-.2)
8. GL 1.4/4 (-.1/-.2)
THE NELSON RATINGS
Can’t watch all the soaps this week? No worries — here’s a cheat sheet!
Top 3 Soaps to Watch:
1. The Young and the Restless, CBS/Global
2. General Hospital, ABC/CTV
3. Days of our Lives, NBC/Global
Top 3 Storylines to Watch:
1. The Adam Bomb, Y&R
2. The Investigation of Cane Ashby, Y&R
3. The Mayor, His Wife, and the Dead Mistress, GH
Top 5 Actresses to Watch:
1. Martha Byrne (Andrea, GH)
2. Michelle Stafford (Phyllis, Y&R)
3. Stacy Haiduk (Mary Jane/Patty, Y&R)
4. Elizabeth Hendrickson (Chloe, Y&R)
5. Crystal Chappell (Olivia, GL)
Top 5 Actors to Watch:
1. Chris Engen (Adam, Y&R)
2. Eric Braeden (Victor, Y&R)
3. Billy Miller (Billy, Y&R)
4. James Scott (EJ, DAYS)
5. Trent Dawson (Henry, World Turns)
Top 3 Duos To Watch:
1. Olivia and Natalia, GL
2. Spinelli and Maxie, GH
3. Billy and Chloe, Y&R
Top 3 Love Triangles:
1. Olivia/Natalia/Rafe, GL
2. Birds/Mary Jane/The Stuffed Cat, Y&R
3. Phyllis/Nick/Sharon, Y&R
Top 3 Duos to Avoid Like The Plague:
1. Taylor and Ridge, B&B
2. Rebecca and Nikolas, GH
3. Rick and Steffy, B&B
Top 3 Guilty Pleasures:
1. Mary Jane’s stuffed cat, Kitty, Y&R
2. Vail Bloom (Heather, Y&R)
3. Carly’s drinking, ATWT
Top 3 New Couples:
1. Rafe and Sami, DAYS
2. Erica and Ryan, AMC
3. Owen and Jackie, B&B
Top 3 Worst Couplings:
1. Rex and Stacy, One Life
2. Annie and Adam, AMC
3. Ridge and anyone, B&B
Top 3 Child/Teen Actors:
1. Carmen LoPorto (Jack, One Life)
2. Shenell Edmonds (Destiny, One Life)
3. Drew Garrett (Michael, GH)
Top 4 Biggest Wastes of Talent:
1. Katherine Kelly Lang (Brooke, B&B)
—tie — Lesli Kay (Felicia, B&B)
3. Colleen Zenk Pinter (Barbara, World Turns)
4. Carolyn Hennesy (Diane, GH)
Top 3 Hair Models:
1. Caitlin Van Zandt (Ashlee, GL)
2. Drew Tyler Bell (Thomas, B&B)
3. Crystal Hunt (Stacy, One Life)
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Top 3 Passionate Fan Bases:
1. Otalia, GL
2. Nuke, World Turns
3. Defending Y&R’s Chris Engen
Top 3 Soap Magazine Covers:
1. Soap Opera Digest: Roger Newcomb’s wet dream come true: Y&R’s Eric Braeden and Eileen Davidson dethrone Joshua Morrow off the cover!
2. Soaps In Depth: Another GH mess: Sonny/Claudia/Jason
3. Soap Opera Weekly: “Shocking” GH Death! |
Top 3 Soap Moments To Watch:
1. Tuesday’s Canadian Episode: Y&R’s Victor catches his son, Adam, red-handed. “Gay porn magazines, really?” laughs Victor! “You clearly are blind, fool!”
2. Thursday: Emmy winner Martha Byrne debuts as Andrea Snyder, er, Floyd on GH. “Um, there are too many zeroes at the end of this paycheque,” says Byrne. “And where’s the bad lighting? Shaky cameras? Jerk producer? Oh, and why are there extras on this set? We’re not in Oakdale anymore, are we Toto Phelps?”
3. Monday: Dorian makes a scene at Markko’s graduation shindig on One Life. “Do you like my Alexis Colby hat, kids? I’m taking over Llanview U, so expect a fan favourite to die tonight.”
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Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.
