REMOTE CONTROL: THE SUDS EDITION
Summarizing the good, the bad and the ugly on daytime TV

<< REWIND:
ALL MY CHILDREN — A Goldin bromance
If SOAPnet wants to create an AMC nighttime spinoff, I’d suggest a series starring boyfriends, er, brothers, Ricky Paull Goldin (Jake) and Michael E. Knight (Tad). As Pine Valley’s odd couple, Goldin and Knight are the most entertaining couple on the show. In fact, they have a little too much chemistry, if you know what I mean. Regardless, I want more of this naughty duo. It’s a good thing that head writer Chuck Pratt recently echoed my sentiments to Soaps In Depth.

> PLAY:
AS THE WORLD TURNS — Embryos are the hottest new accessory
While I despise the laziness in the Vienna-Katie surrogacy storyline, I have to admit I love having Ewa Da Cruz (Vienna) on the front burner again. The underrated actress is the best thing on this show these days, as is the chemistry between her, Austin Peck (Brad), Terri Colombino (Katie), and Trent Dawson (Henry).

>> FF:
THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL —  A Diamont in the rough
When is Don Diamont first airing on B&B? Watching this creepy and horrific show is relentlessly taxing on my spirit. Heck, I even doubt H&R Block could help me out at this point. Having said that, I’m hopeful that head writer Brad Bell’s new Spencer storyline is going to rejuvenate the show, but I’m not sure I’m going to make it until then. And thanks to those geniuses over at the usually healthy Talk Soup — I can’t get away from the torturous show even after it airs.

> PLAY:
DAYS OF OUR LIVES — James E. Reilly would be proud
Kate deciding to revert back to her old ways in order to pay Chloe back for creeping on Lucas is a mild form of punishment compared to the one that Chloe’s inflicting on herself. Giving up Dr. Daniel “McSexy-Slutty” for that man-boy Lucas is penance enough for that opera diva. —Jillian Bowe

> PLAY:
GENERAL HOSPITAL — Ed McMahon, where are you?
Thanks to Jimmy Fallon’s buddy-less debut on his late-night talk show, this past Sunday, The New York Times penned an article on the death of the sidekick. Indeed. Who would have ever thought that Jason’s right-hand man, Spinelli would evolve into the star of the show? Soaps used to be the master at creating memorable sidekicks, like One Life’s Lucky and Another World’s Wallingford. However, due to the cash-strapped realities of today, they’re becoming a thing of the past.  

> PLAY:
GUIDING LIGHT — Reunited and it feels so good…
The Four Musketeers were reunited this past Friday to celebrate Mindy, Phillip, Beth and Rick’s high-school reunion. Everyone looked fantastic, especially Krista Tesreau (Mindy), but the episode made me yearn for those innocent days of yesteryear. Today’s youth are embroiled in non-sensical, plot-driven storylines that mainly consist of pregnancies, or lame love triangles. By the way, is there any way possible to sign Tesreau to a contract?

<< REWIND:
ONE LIFE TO LIVE — Destiny’s my child
Does Shenell Edmonds (Destiny) have a fan club I can join? Heck, I’ll even run the damn thing myself. As Llanview’s sassy and straight-shooting new teen, Edmonds managed to steal the entire episode during her debut (not an easy feat on this show). Hmmm… with the Gannons headed back to Llanview any day now, is there a connection? Memo to Matthew: the girl of your dreams is standing right in front of you yelling about the spiked punch, and not that annoying Miley Cyrus clone.

II PAUSE:
THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS — Single Forgetful Female Seeks a Life
OK, Y&R, listen up: I’m losing my patience with this otherwise amazing and highly creative storyline surrounding Katherine’s presumed death. Can we wrap it up soon? Please? I want Katherine back where she belongs — driving Jill insane (maybe she can bring Annie to Genoa City to help teach her “daughter” a lesson). I pray that Kevin’s new Stockholm Syndrome opus doesn’t mean James Michael Gregary is sticking around because he’s seriously annoying the suds out of me. Thanks to Gregary’s posturing and hair-model antics, Clint is verging on becoming the most annoying character in daytime. Get rid of him — or hire him an acting coach.

CASTING COACH
Courting the Cortlandts
Like the rest of the country, AMC’s Cortlandts are dealing with financial woes. This week, Pine Valley’s former first family learn they’re completely broke. With Opal receiving increasing screen time, and her son, Petey, stealing the hearts of fans, now would be the perfect time to re-introduce Bobby Warner, played most memorably by the very chill Brian Gaskill (ex-Dylan, GL; ex-Rafe, Port Charles; ex-Oscar, B&B). Since Gaskill is in between gigs, now would be the perfect time to add a thirty-something hunk to the canvas and cement the Cortlandts as renewable resource. It wouldn’t hurt to give Pete a male role model, because as we all know, Adam Chandler isn’t going to win stand-in father of the year anytime soon.

 Brian Gaskill, JPI

THE NELSON RATINGS
Can’t watch all the soaps this week? No worries — here’s a cheat sheet!

Top 3 Soaps to Watch:
1. The Young and the Restless, CBS/Global
2. One Life To Live, ABC/A
3. Guiding Light, CBS/E!
 
Top 3 Storylines to Watch This Week:
1. Kevin visits Stockholm with a syndrome, Y&R
2. Maybe he’s really just into you: Ashley’s pregnant; Victor proposes on Y&R
3. Anything Otalia, GL

Top 5 Actresses to Watch:
1. Jeanne Cooper (Katherine, Y&R)
2. Robin Strasser (Dorian, OLTL)
3. Eileen Davidson (Ashley, Y&R)
4. Crystal Chappell (Olivia, GL)
5. Kimberly McCullough (Robin, GH)

Top 5 Actors to Watch:
1. Greg Rikaart (Kevin, Y&R)
2. Eric Braeden (Victor, Y&R)
3. Laurence Lau (Brian, ATWT)
4. Eddie Alderson (Matthew, OLTL)
5. Bradford Anderson (Spinelli, GH)

Top 3 Duos to Watch:
1. Olivia and Natalia, GL
2. Ashley and Victor, Y&R
3. Patrick and Robin, GH

Top 3 Love Triangles:
1. Phyllis/Nick/Sharon, Y&R
2. Billy/Chloe/Cane, Y&R
3. Ashley/Victor/Nikki, Y&R

Top 3 Duos to Avoid Like The Plague:
1. Rick and Steffy, B&B
2. Neil and Karen, Y&R
3. Stacy and Rex, OLTL

Top 3 Hair Models:
1. Ronn Moss (Ridge, B&B)
2. Caitlin Van Zandt (Ashlee, GL)
3. Molly Burnett (Melanie, DAYS)

Top 3 Soap Moments To Watch:
1. Thursday: Brian returns to Oakdale, much to Lily and Luke’s chagrin on ATWT. “I’m a transsexual now,” he declares. “No, wait, I’m just a Republican with eclectic sexual tastes.”
2. Wednesday: Newsflash: GH’s Robin isn’t suffering from post-partum depression — she’s dealing with the horrific fear that Brian Frons may ask her to take a pay cut! Today, Robin endangers Emma’s life. “I refuse to take a pay cut. And if you force me to, the baby gets it,” she threatens. “Kill the baby,” orders Frons.
3. Friday: Brody kisses Jessica on One Life! “I love you Jess, but I would prefer to have mad, crazy sex with Tess, and have Bess do my taxes. Is that a deal breaker?” asks Brody-licious.

 


 

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Nelson Branco is a Toronto freelance entertainment journalist, who regularly contributes to Hello! Canada, The National Post, The Los Angeles Times' theenvelope.com, TV Guide USA, tvguide.com, Inside Entertainment, OUT, and fab magazine, along with spearheading the soap coverage for TVGuide.ca's popular daytime TV hub. After graduating from Ryerson University in 1997, he moved from Toronto to New York in 1998 to take on the roles as senior news editor at Soap Opera Update. Branco first freelanced for Soap Opera Weekly as an intern in 1994, and after leaving Soap Update to help create and launch Bauer Publishing's In Touch Weekly in 2003, Branco continued to freelance occasionally for its sister publication, Soaps In Depth. Most recently, he helped create and launch Canada's first celebrity magazine, Weekly Scoop in 2005 as its news and entertainment director. Branco is also a contributor to a new TV show titled Planet Soap to air in Canada and America.