It was coming. You could sense it in previous episodes. You could practically smell it. The time had come on The Bachelor for the cringe-worthy declarations of love as Jake met all the ladies’ families.
First it was Gia, who played it coy with Jake only saying that she was “falling for him.” I guess this is safe lingo for “I don’t love you because I’ve only known you for a month but don’t give me the boot just yet.”
Vienna claims to never have been “in love” with someone before Jake (what her poor ex-husband must be thinking right now, one can only imagine) and Tenley pulled out all the stops with her dance to the wedding song.
But it was really Ali who stole the show this time. After being made to choose between the show and her job, she went all the way; saying those three little words to Jake swiftly followed by the other three little words “I’m so sorry,” before sobbing her way into the limo.
This was not before she took Jake to her deceased grandmother’s house, empty except for one strategically-placed picture of her dearly-departed Granny on the fireplace mantel. (Gotta love how authentic the show feels in moments like that.)
But alas, Ali chose her threatened career over Jake and to be honest, I’m not so sure Jake was all that choked up about it. How quickly his tears dried when he went in for the polygamist-like group hug at the rose ceremony with the other adoring contestants.
Another little trend I noticed this episode was how all the parents mysteriously became character-reading intuits. According to every girl, each of their parents have an uncanny ability to read people and shocker, they all find Jake to be a genuine, stand-up kind of guy.
I would too if it weren’t for his seemingly canned lines like “I appreciate you telling me that” or “thank you for your honesty” in his Dubya-like drawl. It’s hard not to wonder who's holding the cue cards off-camera?
But never mind all that - it’s time for St Lucia!
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET on Citytv/ABC
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